Drink, Drugs & Reggae

A regular sight as a child

Having a Jamaican father who liked a smoke meant I was always around 'ganja' My dad and his friends often had parties (blues) at our house on Milverton Road in Coventry. Those parties were great, not because of the smoke filled room but because we got to stay up late listening to Bob Marley and John Holt at volume 10 on the Gram (old record player with built in radio) we kids used to put our hands on the windows to see how much they vibrated to the music, and even serve drinks to our dads friends.   We were subject to the occasional raid and I remember being sent out to play with a pocket full of chopped up 'black' whilst the police would be searching the house for it. At first I had no idea what it was and thought they made rubbish marbles and smelt funny. I never saw much harm in smoking weed my dad would complain about the odd bad batch, because suppliers would fill his weed with leaves that were probably from a hedgerow. I even remember my dad growing it next to the mint plants in the garden because the leaves look similar. So my early thoughts of drugs were drugs are cool. My dad was the coolest biggest and strongest man I knew. He smoked drugs so drugs must be cool. He had other friends who would try all sorts of drugs. One of his closest friends was nicknamed 'Coke' I remember Coke trying to smoke a felt tipped pen? Last I heard Coke had HIV from sharing a needle.

I remember my father sitting night after night listening to reggae music with a sleepy smile on his face nodding his head to the slow heavy beat of the reggae music whilst high on ganja.  I never thought to much about it,  It was just what my father did.  I assume now, looking back, he was oblivious to the world as we know it.  The reason for this assumption is because of the day I remember a few years ago, seeing a lad I vaguely knew through his brother, who played in a band.  For the sake of this blog I will call him John Doe.  I had met John once or twice and knew only that he was my friends brother and that he had become a drug addict.  His parents were successful in their own rights and the brothers were well educated, but for some reason their children had rebelled somewhat.  The day I saw John he was walking along the center of the road between traffic outside the local cinema.  I didn't recognize him straight away because he had put on quite a lot of weight and grown a big beard.  But after I had decided to go and try to persuade him to come off the road and onto the safer pavement (sidewalk to you Americans who are reading)  I realized who he was and he also recognized me.  I was interested to know why he was walking down the middle of the road, in the middle of the afternoon.  He went on to explain in a very slow but reasonable and educated manner that by smoking good quality hash  it would take him to a higher plain., a peaceful place where he could look down on the rest of the world.  He explained how unless I smoked £200 worth of this hash each day that I wouldn't understand.  I thought to myself   "if he carried on walking down the middle of roads on busy Saturday afternoons whilst high on £200 worth of hash he would soon find a very peaceful place, where people would visit his grave bring him flowers"  I also understood that if I, never having tried drugs before, smoked £200 of hash in one day, would probably not survive to tell the story.  Looking back and thinking about my father sitting, listening to his music I could understand that this is where he must have been, in a different world seeing the world as that same peaceful place.  Talking to people who take drugs leads me to believe drugs are a way to escape the real world..

Since growing dreadlocks in the 1990's I have had many people stop and ask me for drugs. People have asked me in the street, when I worked the door and even at my gym. I understand why, as most people I know who have dreadlocks like a smoke. I have never smoked anything. I have never tried any drugs and didn't start drinking until I was 21. I never needed drugs and was probably scarred from seeing my own parents misuse of their chosen stimulants. And anyway my life was occupied with the dream of becoming a champion boxer.

My mother and father separated when I was a toddler I imagine because my mother struggled with alcohol. It is not that I have a lot of bad memories of my childhood that upsets me, although I do have a few, but more because I can remember little of the happy memories of when my parents were together.  I remember a few fights and arguments  between them.  I do remember my mother drinking and getting very drunk on Woodpecker Cider.  I have too many memories of my mother drunk and will never drink cider. I even stopped myself dating girls who drank cider.  When my mother and father separated my mother moved 30 miles from Coventry to Banbury where one of her best friends lived, and eventually met started a relationship and had a child with a local man. The child was my sister Hayley.  When she joined this world she was beautiful.  We used to come and visit my mother during some of the school holidays and would see Hayley during her early years. She was such a small fragile soul with big sad eyes even when she was happy and laughing.  Unfortunately My mother and Hayley's father separated when Hayley was just a toddler and my mother was left to bring up Hayley as a single mother but was still struggling with alcohol and eventually Hayley was put into foster care.  The foster parents didn't seem keen to let the family see Hayley, I guess they felt they were protecting her from her past, .  Whenever I knocked I was told she was not home.  When Hayley was 15  I managed to finally meet Hayley and arranged a trip from Banbury to Coventry.  I think it may have been Hayley's Birthday. I bought her a pair of jeans.  It was the start of me seeing a lot more of her.   To ensure we kept in touch I would ask her to come and wash my beetle and I would pay her  The day also stands out in my mind as it was the day Coventry City celebrated winning the FA Cup and the city centre was full with fans.

I remember going to visit my mother on regular occasions and one time I was told she was in hospital so I went to visit.  On getting to the Horton General hospital after asking to see my mother I was told she had passed away.  I was dumbstruck.  I didn't know what to do or say, I was offered a cup of tea by the nurse but I said I was okay and walked out of the hospital wondering what I should be feeling like after being told my mother had just died?   Hayley my, half sister, has also struggled with alcohol all through her adult life and she has seen her children get into drink related trouble. Whilst my dad was cool with his smoking, spending my life chilled sat with a spliff in the evenings alone listening to Reggae music as life passed me bye wasn't for me. My father died from inactivity when he was 63. The doctors said his heart was like a saggy sponge.

I feel alcohol robbed me of a mother

I was lucky enough to make the right choices and had the support of friends and family to help steer me away from drugs. My father never offered me a smoke and my mother never offered me a drink. But others aren't so lucky. As a gym owner I get many people of different walks of life use my gym. Many of the people are youths and a small percentage of those are youths with 'social issues' Some issues are medical but many of these social issues are related to the youths history and some are related to misuse of drink and drugs.

I know we will never stop drugs because there is too much money to be made by dealers. There is even documented proof of the CIA's involvement in making money from the drug trafficking in Columbia. If the worlds most powerful governments are actually involved how can it be stopped? What we can do is educate our own children about the dangers of drugs. Drugs are out there and always will be. The attitude of "all kids will experiment" is frankly a cop out. We need to not disguise the fact that drugs will make you feel great but also we need to make it clear that drugs end lives prematurely both in a physical sense as in death and in emotional sense as drugs will rob you of a 'normal' life.

I would love to be able to tell you of more personal experiences I have had with people I know who have struggled and are still struggling with drugs but it wouldn't be fair on them. In a sense I am sorry to mention Banbury Town Council am not sure how to end this post because I don't think there can be a conclusion. So I will end it by saying if you are a parent do the best for your children.  Love is what they need more than anything else.  It is important we show we are there for them and that we help them make the right choices.

In fact I have decided not to end this blog and talk further about how drink and drugs have impacted on my life.  Although there may never be a conclusion it is a subject that is close to my heart and deserves in my opinion a bit more time.  This blog is more about how the drink has affected my family and people I know than myself.  I do like a drink and have woken up with my share of hangovers saying  'I'm never going to drink again' I am currently on a detox for lent, the first time I have given up anything for lent since leaving school. So don't imagine that I am some clean living fitness fanatic who sees his body as a temple not to be poisoned by fast food, alcohol, late nights etc...  Everything in moderation is my motto, and occasionally not in moderation when needs be.

As a Councillor I have dealt with immigration issues

I am in a position now where I have my own small business and am lucky enough to say I am in a position of influence in my community, both through being a Town Councillor and also as a boxing coach, gym owner and part time youth mentor.   At work I have some quiet times when I can do things such as I am doing now, writing my blog.  In the past I have used the internet, in particular Facebook, to catch up with friends and relatives, let people know what is happening at my gym Spit n Sawdust or just natter to people who had nothing better to do.   I also get requests through Facebook regarding council issues.  These issues have ranged from housing to deportation.  Most of the issues are about children from parents.  Some issues will be about a child who is being bullied at school and others may be about how a child is misbehaving and always seems to be getting into trouble.  There are many reasons why the children will have issues.  Sometimes parents tell me the school teachers treat their children unfairly. I have known parents send their children to three schools and never found one suitable because the teachers don't understand their child or children.  The children usually settle in fine and then after time the same problems re-occur.  Sometimes children get into the wrong crowd, and are led astray and start drinking smoking and skipping school.  I know some parents believe that children should be responsible for their own actions and learn to say 'no' but I believe the majority of the discipline should come from home.  I understand also that there is no manual handed out when we have children and a lot of what we do as parents is what we know from past experience.

Past experience is not always the best way forward when bringing up children.  Times change and we must learn to change with them  I have used the saying 'if was good enough for me it is good enough for my kids'  But on further examination I have realised I was wrong.  Most of us want better for our children don't we?  I don't want my children to leave school with no qualifications like I did, then spend 20 years clock-watching in a factory.  It might seem I am being disrespectful to factory workers, but if my kids are going to work in a factory they will get enough qualifications so that they can be a manager.  Surely we should be encouraging them to make the right decisions to help them grow so they can see more, do more and have more than what we did.  What I am doing here is trying to find a nice way to say without offending any parents is that WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR CHILDREN!!   Our children need nurturing by us as parents.  I know it can be really difficult at times, especially for single parent families.  I know this, I am from a single parent family and talk to other single parents who are struggle with their children.  My marriage broke down and I know it was difficult for my ex-wife to manage 3 children and the house etc...   It can be equally difficult when the child has both parents and there are so many reasons that make it difficult both financially and emotionally.  Ultimately, as I quoted in my last blog a child needs love.  There is nothing more important to a child than love.  Going back to my parents.  I quoted in my last Facebook status that my 'alcohol robbed me of a mother'.  What alcohol did was rob us of our mothers love.  I understand my mother's life was controlled by alcohol and knew how much deep down that she loved us .

Too Late

 I have never been angry with my mother and will not have a bad word said against her and I love her now as much as I did when she was with us, but I know we would have had a better loving relationship if alcohol hadn't been involved.  I know in my heart that when I went to see her in hospital that I would not have wondered how I should have been feeling after hearing my mother had just died......  I was fortunate to still have the love of my father but know also that if he had chosen a different lifestyle that he would have been here to see my children come into the world.    I loved my father more than I had ever loved anyone.  Watching him take his last breath in hospital at the age of 63 was an awful experience.  I had to be strong and comfort my sisters but inside a part of me died.

I once wrote a newspaper article about the importance of looking after yourself and highlighted the fact that I had lost both my parents early due to their chosen lifestyle choices.  It was an article that would hopefully encourage parents to be there for their children and grandchildren. About three years later I remember picking my son Mikey up from school one afternoon and a lady came over to talk to me.  I had never met this lady before but her words made me so happy.  She said "Hello Dave, You are Dave Earle aren't you? I am sorry to bother you but a few years ago you wrote an article in the Banbury Guardian and after reading it I decided to change my life"  she continued by saying " I know I am not skinny but before I read your article I was so much bigger and you made me realise that if I was going to be there for my children that I had to lose weight" and she then thanked me and carried on about her business of picking up her children.

Bringing up children is difficult there is no doubt.  Lots of things in life are difficult.  The lady who lost weight because she wanted to be around for her children as they grew up must have found it difficult to lose weight.  I have lots of people who join the gym specifically to lose weight, normally to look better so they feel more confident in themselves but sometimes for other reasons.  It could be a doctor will send them here because of medical reasons and the boxers will sometimes have to lose weight to compete for a fight.  Having a reason gives people the motivation to achieve things whether it is weight loss or a job promotion.  Losing weight for her children was because of love.  As I have repeated through my blogs love requires work.  The more difficult a challenge is, the harder we work, the more we change.  In almost every situation the people who work the hardest see the best results, and the people who see the best results grow more and have a fuller life.

I have rekindled an old friendship recently with a man who I used to train when he was a lad.  He was a decent boxer but then as most lads do when they reach puberty, discovered women and alcohol and gave up sport.  Over the years I rarely saw him but when I did he was struggling with life in general.  He has, like many people including myself, had children only to see the relationship with his partner not work out.  His relationship problems, again like many resulted to him hitting the bottle and then he also started taking drugs.  He told me that he remembers starting taking drugs many years ago and getting hooked, but now remembers little of the time between starting taking drugs and the present day. Whist he was in rehab he met a man who was 47, who had been on drugs since he was a youth of 16 with glue and progressed, if that is the right word, onto harder and harder drugs as he got older.  What the man told my friend was that although he had aged 31 years, mentally he was still 16 years old as the drugs stopped him maturing into a man.  My friend told me he felt similar in the way that it seems like although he was on drugs for seven years it feels like he started taking drugs  last week and somehow he has lost all those years.

He now often visits and helps out with some of the classes.  He comes in for regular chats when we might talk about the old days or maybe our respective relationships and we will draw parallels between his life and mine.  He will ask how I coped with separating with my wife and children as he is finding it difficult being away from his family but knows going back is likely to take him take him back into that dark place that he no longer wants to visit.  I told him that my children are as close to me now as when I was married.  They will always be my boys and I will always be their father.  Whilst I am not a psychiatrist it is quite clear to see that he needs to move forward rather than backwards.  I find helping him to deal with his past is leading him into a better future.  The gym is certainly benefiting from his help and he is benefiting from helping out. (within these brackets is an update on my friend. His name was Phillip Panadher and he had a relapse and died from an overdose of heroin.  He did not handle being away from his children very well and though he done his best to provide for them, working as an agency driver did not provide a regular income and the pressure and stress became to much).
Although I have said we have to move with the times he had some old fashioned values and ways which I feel are lacking in today's society.  He called (dare I say) a spade a spade.  Where as some will tip-toed around an issue in fear of upsetting people he would say what he saw and I like that as I think we now nanny people too much and reward children instead of disciplining them.  Having him at the gym was a 'win, win' situation. and although people may frown at me having someone who once had a habit, His mother will tell you that for 7 months she had her son back for the first time in many years.  One night of stress for Phil proved too much RIP Phil.

It is so easy to judge people with addictions rather than help them.  It seems that if a person is wealthy and on drugs they are 'eccentric', if they are a footballer or a celebrity they 'need help', so are sent to a clinic to sort out their problems, but if they are Joe Bloggs or Phillip Panadher or someone in my family or yours they are druggies, down and outs or wasters.  Having had alcoholics in my family I know that there are some beautiful caring people out their who have fallen victim to drink or drugs.  Just as I know there are some wonderful children out there who have had bad starts in life, and can despite their sad beginnings can go on to be great adults.  Lots of people and organisations give up on these people and would happily have them put together on an island out of harms way and forgotten about.  But some of us have a go at helping them.  There are none of us that are perfect. I am sure I have been guilty of running other people down to make myself feel better about my own life, but when I see people doing the same thing it saddens me.  Yes, I know that some people seem beyond help.... but many are not and just need some guidance.

mmm One day I will be better than Muhammad Ali

As a child I think in every school report at least one teacher described me as a daydreamer.  I can't argue with that because I remember many a time being woken by the distant sound of my name getting louder and louder as the teacher would lure me back into consciousness.  And then they would ask me if I understood the question?  And I would ask myself  "there there a question?".  I generally sat at the back of the class to avoid having to answer questions but it rarely worked.  When I do talks to schools or colleges I will often go to the back of the room to find student participation, so sitting at the back of the class did me no favours.  As soon as a teacher got too deep into a subject for me to comprehend, instead of 'making my self look foolish' and asking him/her to explain so I could understand, I would close down and drift into my own world, far detached from the lesson.  Into a world  where I could be boxing for a world title, building my own racing car or even going to the Olympics and running for my country.  I imagined going abroad on holiday like some of the other kids in the class did.  I thought only the rich kids went abroad but thinking back, we lived on a council estate?  There weren't any rich kids on our estate?  Sometimes I would look around the class and see Claire O'Connor and would imagine what it would be like to have a girlfriend like her. (I was 7 years old when I fancied Claire O'Connor.  10 years later I had my first girlfriend.  Man I was useless with  girls)   I also used to daydream about my parents getting back together and imagined my mum picking us up from school like the other kids' mums did.  I only remember going on holiday once and that was to Selsey with my mum, nan, aunts and my sisters and it was brilliant........  I am daydreaming again now but we had a great time.  Really it was real, I am not making this bit up, I am not daydreaming it.  To be honest I still do a bit of daydreaming and I think we all should have dreams.

I imagine being addicted to drink or drugs would mean a person could spend most of their time detached from reality in a daydream just as I was in the classroom as a 7 year old.  Trouble is being detached from reality can include being detached from our children.  

PS

On returning to Facebook to update this blog, as I usually do, I came across this response from a Banbury girl called Candy Layne, to the status heading: "If you are wealthy, a famous footballer, a pop or film star who happen to find yourself addicted to drink or drugs then you a described as being eccentric or in need of help. You me our friends and family would be described as druggies, down and outs or wasters" 

"all drug uses are wasters in my opinion, doesn't matter who you are, what you do, or how wealthy you are... they're nothing but a selfish druggie that doesn't care who your habit hurts, from the slaves that grow the plants, to the people used for trafficking, to my parents killed by a man driving under the influence of cocaine. all they care about it their own high..... it has been 3 years this month, i wish people would think of the journey their drugs have made, that 1 joint/line/pill has been on a journey that has hurt people every step of the way, and each of those people hurt or killed has a family, parents, maybe children, it is a horrible web of pain that wouldn't exist if it weren't for demand for illegal drugs. I want everyone to think before they use drugs, is one nights fun worth all this pain and suffering? most people wouldn't murder someone, but they could be doing just that by keeping up the demand for these substances"

Candy also added " feel free to share my story, if it can stop one person then it's a step in the right direction" I currently have had just over 11,000 hits on this blog. I hope for everyone's sake this message turns at least on life around 

Past present and future of Spit n Sawdust



How I Came To Have The Building

Spit n Sawdust started in November in 2003 and was set up after members of a class for overweight men complained about the place I was teaching them at the time.  My girlfriend suggested I ask someone I knew if he would rent a room out to me so I could have a perminent base. I did and he agreed.  . After a couple of years renting from him he went bankrupt and handed the lease of the building over to me.  At the time I had rented one room from him but with him leaving I was to take over the entire building including a room which was being rented as a studio for band practice.  I eventually took over that room and then the building was entirely Spit n Sawdust   

Brief History Of The Building



formerly used as an army barracks

The building was a former stables to the Buck and Bell public house in the time before cars and the rings that were used to tie up the horse are still in the walls.  During World War 2 it was used as a barracks for firstly English then American soldiers.  It was Bought by the Truss family as a store for the 3 shops they owned on Parson Street. The Truss family not only use it as a store but also used used to sell chickens, turkeys and game which you could order and pick up at Christmas. My Caribbean Cafe on the ground floor was where they kept the Christmas trees and my weights room was were they used to smoke their fish.

Having so much history has atracted recent visits from 'Ghost Hunters' who have had 'interesting' findings.  I have witnessed the punchbags start swinging for no apparent reason but have always put this down to movement from traffic?  More visits are scheduled.



Early Days of Spit n Sawdust





Early boxercise classes

The first thoughts for Spit n Sawdust were to be a place to continue running the Boxercise classes I was teaching, including those for the overweight men,  at school halls and sports centres.  I had dreams of starting classes for overweight men all over the country. Sllimming clubs were predominently filled with women so I wanted to start an alternative for men that included not only nutritional advice but also a form of boxing training for exercise.  Unfortunately 

Our first boxers

this didn't take off, but what did happen was youths would come in and see all the boxing equipment and ask me to start a boxing club.  Boxercise continued as usual and I decided to contact my former coach Ken Reynolds to see if he fancied starting a boxing club with me at Spit n Sawdust.  Under Ken Reynolds control the boxing club took off and we were producing champions almost immediately. I re-took my coaching badges and the club went from strength to strength.  Sadly Ken died in Jan 2010 and left a big whole to fill and in all fairness there will never be another Ken.  He was hugely experienced and took the club a long way in a short time.  But we are picking up the peices and the club is back on it's feet producing more boxers.

Model Boxer

 Since the passing of Ken we have lost a few boxers and have had to rebuild the club. I have additional trainers and a new secretary for the club in Ben Malcher.  Asif Mohammed another registered coach here is playing a bigger role at the club too.  Our most successful boxer to date, Robert James Evans has left us to pursue a career in modelling having secured a deal with Calvin Klein and is on his way to live in the States.

We have attracted a new bunch of wannabe boxers to our 'Stable' an the future is looking bright. 

I now feel a large part of what I do is helping children with life skills.  I have done talks at schools, colleges and here at the gym  to groups of children, and in particular teenagers, A small percentage of the members here have social issues and have been sent here by schools and parents. The issues are diverse, some have too much anger and were disruptive at home and/or school whilst others are withdrawn and find it difficult to make friends.  What I like  to do here at Spit n Sawdust is show that we are all the same.  I admit to being a bit old fashioned and like to believe I am strict but fair.

The Future of Spit n Sawdust

Back-a-Yard Caribbean bar

Whilst I love my job and want to stay, develop and expand Spit n Sawdust, I don't see myself working 12 hours a day and teaching all of the classes forever. I would like to employ people to take some of the the workload from me.  I want to play a more active role in helping young people with social problems.  I still believe Spit n Sawdust can become a 'brand' and hope to go into merchandising Spit n Sawdust clothing and equipment. This summer will see the opening of my Back-a-Yard Caribbean bar so I hope some of you people reading this will be coming to sample some of my fine Jamaican Rums 



IS WINNING THE ARGUMENT MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE FINAL RESULT?

COULD READING THIS BLOG CHANGE YOUR VIEWS ?

It's OK to fight if what you are fighting for is the good and not just to win the fight.  We watch needless arguments happen all of the time. I have, as a doorman, have seen best friends fight over a cigarette.  We all have it in us to get angry and I am sure that whilst we are fighting we feel justified in what we are fighting for.  But:

• How many of us have regrets over things we have said or done to people we love once the fight is over.  
• How many people hold grudges with their loved ones for years and years and how many people are hurt as result of this one grudge?  
• How many people will have been to a former friends funeral and wished they had put things right when they had the opportunity? 

Attack on the Twin Towers

This blog is about exploring the avenues before we say something we shouldn't and wrecking what should have been a great and perhaps beautiful friendship..
I just watched a DVD of peoples reaction, who were at a seminar to the Twin Towers disaster in New York. The seminar was taking place on a remote island and was for the benefit of success people who wanted take their lives and their businesses to the next level.  The people attending the seminar were from all over the world with differing backgrounds and beliefs.


Whilst the people were attending the seminar on this idyllic island the two planes crashed into the Twin Towers.  Some people in attending the seminar were New Yorkers.

• One man at the seminar was Muslim and his first reaction was I am going to be branded as a terrorist because I am a Muslim, and then thought that he would like to be at the Twin Towers helping the sufferers, but his other real reaction was this is retribution, payback for all the 'West' had done to his people over the years. Reminding the people there of how many thousands of innocent people died in Iraq in what turned out to be a fight about oil and how the war had nothing to do with weapons of mass destruction.    

• One lady explained how she had left a message for the man she loved saying she would marry him.  She had been married before but her first husband had died and until now she was not ready to commit again. Her fiancée read the message whilst he was on the 101st floor of the world trade centre and he then called her to say (Whist she was at the Seminar) he was on the 101st floor and an aeroplane had crashed into the building, the room was filling with smoke and he was about to die.  He said he was the happiest man in the world knowing that she loved him and wanted to marry him.  The message from her was that you have to live in the present and not to let the past drag you back like a ball and chain. 

What happened next in the room was amazing. Tony Robbins managed to unite all the people in the room and somehow made them see that, rather than blaming each other they should use this experience to make themselves better  and more understanding people.  The instrument Tony Robbins used to bond people who were sworn enemies, was words.

He explained that we all have 'archetypes' I guess that means behaviours that define us as people.  There are 4 archetypes:

WARRIOR - Strength Power Action.  This is what we call upon first.  This is the most intense archetype.This is what demands action.  Some people live in this state more than other states and this can become exhausting, but used positively can unite nations.

MAGICIAN - Creativity Humour and Intuition.  The magician in us  detaches and observes and can make light of a situation. The magician sees the invisible and sees things that other people get upset about as absurd and meaningless. The magician knows everything is easy

LOVER - Deep emotion of love and connection.  This is true love and how you connect and vibrate with life.  This love is unconditional and pure.

• SOVERERIEGN- Knows your vision and person. A sovereign knows not to overreact. the sovereign is the tutor. You can think of a Sovereign as a great King or Queen.  Some one who sees all and is full of wisdom and knowledge 

If you can see the Warrior, the Magician, the Lover and the Sovereign inside yourself you can use them to help you and those around you when life becomes 'complicated'.  Take a moment when you feel the Warrior taking centre stage and ask yourself "is this the only way to resolve this situation".

At my gym I have mostly young people and many of these youths live in the Warrior state for most of the time and react to everything as a challenge and something they need to act upon.  Occasionally we have confrontations where warriors clash.  Sometimes it will end up with raised voices and then a falling out and a cooling off period, but a lot of the time I can normally use the Magician the Lover and The Sovereign in me to resolve the situation.

All my blogs are written for a reason.  I hope that this blog helps at least one person pick up the phone resolve a grudge they have been holding for years, or makes someone think before they ruin a friendship or divide a family. 

One love

The difference between a champion and a contender

I have been involved in combat sports for 36 years either as a boxer or a kick-boxer. I started  after visiting the Bell Green Amateur Boxing Club when I was 11 years old.  Since then I have competed as an amateur boxer for 12 years winning the ABA Home Counties Championships as a Middleweight boxer on 5 occasions. I went on to compete as a full contact kick-boxer and was the British Light-heavy Champion for 2 years and competed in the World Championships in Budapest when I was 31 years old. I then set up a boxing club with Ken Reynolds and hoped to create my own champions.

But what makes one person a champion and another a contender.  Although I won titles in boxing, kick-boxing and of course ballroom dancing, I never achieved what I always wanted. Like most people as a child I had dreams, we all had dreams as kids didn't we.  I was going to be a World Champion better than Muhammed Ali.  When I started boxing that was my target. But as the years passed I realised I was never going to be a world champion.  The reason was because I didn't believe I could I would never be good enough.  I will always know I could have done better if I had believed in myself.  But any physically fit person can.

If you know who I am you will know that I run an amatuer boxing club in Banbury called Spit n Sawdust.  You may also know with the help of Ken Reynolds who was an extraordinarily good coach, have produced a few Home Counties Boxing Champions including Imtiaz Khandokar and Ayaz Muhammed.  You will surely know of Robert Evans.  Rob is what I believe is an over achiever.  and was National Champion consecutively on 3 occasions.  Rob achieved in 3 years what I failed to achieve in 12 years of amateur boxing.  So what do I think the difference was between Rob and the rest of us?

Rob started at the gym just to get fit and ended up starting boxing.  He started like everyone else and didn't show too much interest in Boxing but liked being in a boxing club.  He was big and strong but seemed to have more interest in talking to the girls who used to come to watch him train "and it did my head right in".  If you come to my gym you come to train he wasn't training.  So I told his friends he would never make a boxer because all he was interested in was talking to girls and looking in the mirror.  This got Rob really mad at me to the point he never talked to me for 2 weeks. But what he did do was train like a man possessed.  Eventually he did talk and to say he became like, a son may be an exaggeration, but we became close.  But he didn't get any special treatment.  I told him as I have told many people if you want to be the best in boxing you have to eat sleep and breath boxing.

The Difference

Rob's reaction was to train every day often 6 hours a day starting with a 4 mile run from his home in Bloxham, then have a day that could include weight training, swimming, circuit training boxing training and finishing with a run home. He would study all his favourite boxers and mimmick their techniques and copy their training routines.  He would set himself training programmes that he had looked up on You Tube from successful boxers.   By the time his first fight had came along he already knew he was going to win because in his mind nobody trained as hard as him and no-one his weight could possibly move as fast as him. This was to be the 1st of a 17 fight unbeaten run that included 9 wins inside the distance.  The thing that cost him his 1st defeat was ironically down to over training from which he suffered from for almost two years.

So the difference between Rob and the other boxers at the gym was that he realised that as long s he worked harder than everyone else he would be a champion because there couldn't be anyone fitter, stronger or faster than him.  We have a couple of boxers who are more skillfull than Rob but no-one with more desire to be the best.

If you are reading his as a boxer wanting inspiration then you know what you need to do.  If you are not reading this as a boxer but seeking inspiration know this "your only limits you have are those you impose on yourself. I am not the best example, but what I have managed to do is get people to achieve more than they thought possible. Robert Evans is a beacon for Spit n Sawdust because of what he has achieved. But many more have chosen boxing and changed their lives.  Some will tell you they would be in prison without the gym whilst others have found confidence, became fitter and stronger both physically and emotionally. 

Being talented is not enough to be a champion

I remember when Rob was getting down because he was struggling with motivation. I told him that all he needs is faith. Faith in knowing that as long as he trained hard he would be the the National Champion.  I told him that if he drove a car home from Bloxham at night that he would only see a a little of the road ahead but he would keep driving because he would have 'faith' that beyond the lights is more road.  If you take a turn off that road you will never get to Bloxham.  It is the same in life, not only for Rob but for all of us.  If we want to achieve anything we need to stay focussed on our goal and not be distracted. We can all achieve what we want as long as we believe we can and Robert Evans is living proof.  I don't believe he is a natural boxer we have had better boxers but he is a winner and has belief in his own ability. He once told me he was born to be rich, I didn't believe him.....I am starting to now

These blogs I write are not to say how great I think I am they are here to inspire people to become all they can be.  People telling me they respect what I do is great but the best thing about what I do is that I see people's lives improve. 

"Champions aren't made in gyms.
Champions are made from something deep inside them, 
a desire a dream a vision.
they have to have the skill and the will,
but the will must be stronger than the skill"

Muhammad Ali

How ballroom dancing reduced me to tears

To start with I would like to say there is nothing wrong with crying. Real men don't wear pink, real men aren't afraid of occasionally showing their emotions. Ok now that's out of the way

For those who don't know, a couple of years ago I competed in the first Banbury Strictly Come Dancing event. We had an intensive 6 week training programme to learn a couple of dances (The Waltz and Cha Cha Cha). When we had all finished our training, we all (10 couples) competed against each other at The Mill Arts Centre in front of a sell out audience.  I managed to finish in 3rd place and now have ballroom dancing medals sitting proudly at my gym amongst the boxing and kick boxing trophies that I have amassed over many years.

So how did this proud achievement reduce me to an uncontrollable sobbing mess whilst sat in The Cromwell Lodge Hotel. It started when a member at my Gym asked me if I could attend a local school that she worked at and teach ballroom dancing to the students.  The Local  school was Frank Wise School for the disabled.  Of course I said yes as I have a class from the school at my gym on a regular basis for fitness training. 

I managed to get Roseanne Edwards from the Banbury Guardian to lend me a tape... I mean DVD, of the Strictly Come Dancing competition I competed in so I could remember the steps. When the gym was empty was happily dancing, with my trusty old dance partner (a broomstick) around my gym in preparation.

I arrived at the school and some poor young lady who worked there was asked to help teach with me, fortunately she had danced before and was far better than I was.  Anyway we all lined up and we had a great time. everybody was dancing and there smiles everywhere. There was a massive difference in the disabilities some children didn't appear disabled whilst others were totally dependant on their teachers unable to walk, talk or even feed themselves.  But still everyone joined in.

I was asked to attend the school again to give out certificates to the pupils who I believed 'were the best dancers. The Day came and it was a Friday afternoon and the entire school was having it's usual Friday assembly. Friday assemblies at Frank wise are BRILLIANT!! One man sits with a guitar and children in small groups go to him to perform a song. One lad in a wheelchair, that he skilfully manoeuvred with a joystick on the arm of his wheelchair, dedicated a song to me and I felt a lump in my throat. One by on the school performed and I watched as the less able children of  our town came to life and it was possibly the most moving experience of my life.  I was looking around the room and seeing children who were robbed of a normal life. One lad was in a wheelchair, blind and deaf and much tinier than his age suggested. Another young girl was strapped into what I can only describe as an upright stretcher and another child watched  on with her body uncontrollably twitching.  At the end of assembly I gave out the 4 certificates.  One by one they came and collected their paper prize but to them it was like an Oscar ceremony.  The thing that struck me most was that everyone was happy, even the teachers!

I said my goodbyes and headed off back to work. It was around 4pm and my girlfriend was finishing work so I asked her if she fancied a coffee at the Cromwell Hotel before I went back to work.  So we ordered our drinks and sat down by the window and started talking about my afternoon at the school.  I started to tremble inside. Then all of a sudden I started to cry. No warning just a cascade of tears rolling down my face.  As soon as I seemed to get them under control another wave of emotion came and started them off again.  Eventually everything returned to normal and I was able to return to work

On getting back to work I changed the status on my facebook to "whilst you have the ability to make changes to your life, you have no reason to complain"  I use this experience to give myself a reality check when I complain about the hand life has dealt me.    

Diets and dieting

The reason I REALLY started Spit n Sawdust

The reason I started Spit n Sawdust was not because I wanted a boxing club, but because I wanted to get overweight men fit.  The boxing club started 2 years down the line.  I lost my parents to their lifestyle choices.  Without going into too much detail my mum was fond of alcohol and my dad seemed to have an allergy to exercise.  As most of us do, I loved both of my parents and losing them before I believe I should have hurt as you can imagine, especially if you have had a similar experience. 

So I thought to myself  "I will start an exercise club just for overweight men" I figured that men wouldn't want to be going to Slimming clubs but would be happy going to a club that was full of men after the same goal as themselves and they would get a chance to experience a bit of boxing..  As time passed and men lost weight they started to ask if they could bring their wives so it ended up being a mixed class of men and women and I advertised 'inappropriately' as 'Banbury Bloaters' and stuck the advert in the Banbury Guardian.  I even managed to get on a quiz show called The Chair on BBC1 at prime time on a Saturday afternoon and get tennis legend John McEnroe to mention it. I did get a negative response from a few but overall I had more than 70 enquiries and the class ran lovely. I used to weigh people and measure people and people lost lots of weight. SUCCESS!!!

No not really, because like dieting, exercise only works as weight control until you stop doing it.  One man lost 3 stone in 12 weeks after starting the exercise class and I had given him some nutritional advice. He stopped coming having achieved his goal and put all the weight back on and more.

Dieting has worked for many people and TV shows like The Biggest Loser will show the results and also the impact losing weight can have on your life.  If you are reading this to find out about how to lose weight and have tried numerous diets before you will understand that diets don't work as a long term solution.  Stars such as Oprah Winfrey have famously yo yo dieted for years.

What I have found in my time working with and discussing weight-loss is that almost all people who struggle with their weight think about food all of the time.  Conversely most people who don't struggle with their weight hardly ever think about food and can even forget to eat for an entire day... I am sure some people who struggle with their weight can go a day and forget to eat and some slim people do think about food all day I am just saying what I have experienced when asking questions.

So..... What is the solution?  The solution would seem to be and in my opinion, have to be to change peoples relationship with their food.  Lots of people with weight problems see food as a reward and see not eating an entire packet of chocolate biscuits as good.  People will come to my classes and say they have earned the right to have a takeaway. 

I believe dieting and exercise should be viewed separately.  Exercise will get you fit and weight-loss will happen as a result in most cases. But weight control will be achieved only when people realise that food is for nourishment and although it should be enjoyed it is not good to use it to alter your mood.  There are two reasons we eat. One reason is emotional and the other is physical.  Emotional eating something we might do when we are bored or angry. It is a hunger that can come on in an instant like when we see someone else eating  or pass a shop and see something tasty.  The physical hunger is a gradual hunger that generally happens around four hours after a meal.  

Although I do run fitness classes my weigh does fluctuate. I remember a Time I had put on one stone in weight and just put it down to me getting older.  But in truth I had just got a bit lazy and didn't do as much in classes. It was when people started to comment on my expanding belly that I decided to do something about it.  What I did was only ate when I was hungry, ate more slowly and appreciated every mouthful and stopped eating when I was full. I know this may sound simple and it was. By doing this I lost a stone in 3 weeks and felt lots better.  This wasn't a diet because I still eat the same way and have a new appreciation for my food.

I have no money, my business is struggling and I crashed my car into a steel post last night, possibly righting it off, But I am happy?

For the two years my sister Maxine battled against cancer during those 2 years I grieved almost everyday.  Maxine was the glue that was holding the family together. I have a close loving family but as we got older we all moved away from Coventry and spent less time in each others company.  Maxine was lived near Barnsley in Yorkshire more than 100 miles from any of us, but regularly had parties and invited us all up to her home.  Shortly before she passed away she invited us all to join her at Centre Parcs in Nottingham as she defiantly refused to follow doctors orders who said she should stay at home. By the time we arrived at Centre Parcs Maxine had once again been taken to hospital but insisted everybody carry on with their holiday. I visited the hospital each day we were up there and eventually Maxine did recover enough to leave hospital after the holiday was finished 

There was no happy ending.  After finally finding happiness, meeting and marrying the man she loved, Richard, and adopting a child after years of trying to conceive naturally and living in 44 acres of land in the beautiful Yorkshire countryside  Maxine succumbed to cancer in September of 2009 aged 45.

Maxine learnt to live for the moment and make the most of her life.  I was angry with the situation and asked myself the usual question why couldn't it happen to some nasty bastard.  Maxine didn't deserve this. I allowed her illness to take over my thoughts every hour of the day every day of the week. I almost let it cost me my business and went as far as going to the toilet for secret cries during my classes. People told me this was understandable. I disagree.  Imagine what Maxine would have felt if she knew the affect she was having on my life. 

So what did I learn from this?  Firstly life is precious and can be taken away in the blink of an eye and  possessions are just possessions. Some things can never be replaced so make the most of what and who you love whilst you can.  I crashed my car into a post yesterday, no one got hurt but it will cost me £250 excess to have it fixed. If I can't afford it I will have to walk. No problem need to lose weight anyway.

Each day we complain through the power of facebook letting the world know how unfair life is to us.  Life is unfair who said it was meant to be fair? We put it on our statuses and discus the injustices of life.  Why not accept life isn't fair for any of us. Then maybe instead of feeling sorry for ourselves we will have more compassion for others?

I think I lost the point of this blog a little while back, that's emotions for you.  But I am happy.

• I am happy to have had such a lovely sister and I have 5 more :0)  
• I am happy that although things are not always fair that I don't let them drag me down
• I am happy to have a great family a loving partner and great kids
• I am happy to have my own business even though it can seem a constant battle
• I am happy that although I have very little money to pay bills, I have love and respect of those closest to me   

Social Disorders

Before I start let me be honest and say I have no formal education in social work and everything I have learnt I taken from the many books I read and experiences I have had throughout my life, in particular since working with children with 'social disorders'. There are people who read this who are far more qualified than I am and have years of experience dealing with children who have ADHD, asperges etc..and I don't think I have met anyone with a severe case of any social disorder.

My Dad my idol

I honestly believe ALMOST all social disorders are misdiagnosed.  I listen to children everyday and try do it with an open mind. My priority is the well being of the child I am with. I am not judgemental and will listen far more than I talk.  Like you and me most people are affected by our peers and the manner in which we were brought up.  I was brought up by my father, everything he was I wanted to be. I knew he loved me and wouldn't see any harm come to me so he was my hero. I wanted to be my dad when I grew up and to a large extent I have been. Like him I have been a boxer, lorry driver, bouncer etc... I share many of his views, whether they are right or wrong to others,  and I am proud to do so.

ADHD?

I believe we all have social disorders at varying degrees (or as I prefer to call them, differing personalities) Some people won't go to a place that is to crowded whilst others won't go to a place that's to quiet.  I know a lad who won't go out with a girl if she has a visible mole. Bit strange to me but when does a different personality become a disorder.

So. Behavioural Disorders. When do we decide that a child has Attention Deficit Disorder (A.D.D.) I look at this disorder ask myself , Attention deficit? or Can't Concentrate Disorder? Now why could this be?  I had this as a child, but at the time my school report said "David  daydreams in class" or "David is easily distracted"  This was true. I had no interest in the subject matter so thought about other things that were more interesting like girls, football and boxing. I had most ADD in classes I found less interesting.  Seeing myself as a non academic made me focus more on sport so I was pretty good at that and was encouraged to do more of it. I also knew children who couldn't concentrate and disrupted the class by being naughty. they would be fidgety and keep talking whilst everybody else was trying to work. They would be telling jokes or taking the Micky out of the teacher or teasing other children. I now know these weren't naughty boys and girls, oh no, no way!   They had a different disorder. They had Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) They were hyperactive, or as I see it IN NEED OF ATTENTION!!!.

Again this is only my uneducated opinion, but I have found in my experience if we are not feeling significant we will find a way to feel significant.If we can't be significant for being good we will find another way, or we build up a barrier so no one can hurt us.  A child will misbehave at my gym and blame it on a disorder. My reaction is to make him sit out of the class or just tell him or her they don't have a disorder and get on with it. This may seem harsh but it works for me.  I will talk to the child later and in fact the child will more often than not come and apologise and explain their action.  I will discuss the issue at length in an attempt to convince the child there is nothing wrong with them because if you think something is wrong with you then something is, especially if you have been told sooooo many times

Asperges?

Asperges  is a developmental disorder that affects a child's ability to socialize and communicate effectively with others.I have less experience with people with asperges but I find it equally challenging and feel I have made significant progress when I have come across it, as again these people need to feel significant and more often than not have an interesting childhood.

As with most social disorders I feel the biggest influence is upbringing or as people like to say nurture rather than nature.  This is NOT as you might imagine pointing the finger of blame at parents  teachers or anyone else.  It is just the way society has progressed.  Discipline is almost forbidden. Gone are the days of when if you were naughty and punished at school that you would be punished again at home.  Teachers are now in more danger from parents than children are.  In my uneducated opinion children need boundaries and once these boundaries are taken away the problems begin.  Single parents must be close to outnumbering children with both parents at home. Whilst most single parents cope many relax the 'boundaries' to make up for not providing  another parent.

These are my opinions and I am not saying they are correct and I welcome opinions of those who do not necessarily agree with the way I see things. I want to understand more so I can help more people.  

  
   

In the beggining at Spit n Sawdust our fi wannabe boxers

Why run a boxing club?

As a child boxing was always at the forefront of my mind. My dad was a heavyweight professional boxer back in the late 50's and being an ex-boxer always earnt him respect.. plus the fact he was 6 foot 3 and weighed 18stone. I was a scrawny kid, even my sister who was 2 years younger than me was taller than I was. Having a big dad who was a boxer made people assume I could box so I didn't get a lot of trouble as a child although people assumed I was the best fighter in the school... Until I fought the best fighter in the school and got beaten up.

I started boxing at 11 and left after seeing my friend get a bloody nose in sparring. I was next up to spar and decided that it wasn't for me. I was told by the coach at Bell Green Amatuer Boxing club in Coventry I would never make a boxer and I never went bact to that club. 4 years later I was persuaded to join another club by the a lad called Andrew Christie. Andrew was one of 5 brothers all of whom boxed and won National Titles. 

                                                                         

Errol Christie (Pictured left with 2 youngsters) was thhe most successful of the brothers, won 10 National titles and an amatuer European title. Being amongst champions helps when you want to become a champion yourself. Though it was after leaving the Standard Triumph Club that I achieved most of my success by moving to Banbury. With success comes confidence and with confidence you can achieve anything. This is the reason why I started a boxing club. At this club I can take a child in rebuild his confidence and make him, or her if a female ever signs up to box, a fitter stronger and more confident person. Joining a boxing club is not just about becoming a boxer it can be about finding yourself when there seems to be nothing for you. In Robert Evans we had our own Errol Christie. Robert took 3 attempts to walk up the stairs into Spit n Sawdust and finally decided to come in when there was no one but me here. Robert went on to win 3 National titles back to back and now is modelling for Calvin Klien. He is a bit more confident now

Why I love my Job

Me my sons and Eddie the owner of San Carlo
at 'Backayard'

We have a drink to celebrate a week of training on Fridays

A visit to Frank Wise School

makes you appreciate what you have

We also have childrens parties at Spit n Sawdust



This is a picture of my Caribbean bar that I hope to be opening in the summer. I got an occasional license for an open day last year and it was brilliant check out the photo's. It was brilliant until some bloke walks into the bar and asks for ten shots of the my finest rum. I set him up, and the he took the first shot in the row and pours it on my newly decked and unvarnished floor, I was not happy. He then takes the last one in the and does the same. So I ask him, "Why did you do that?" And the bloke replies, " Well the first shot always tastes like crap, and the last one always makes me sick!"

MAKING A DIFFERENCE 

Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude. Thomas JeffersonI have recently decided that my future lies in inspiring people to be all they can be and have done a series of talks to colleges and schools and have conducted them here at the gym or on 'location' The response has been fantastic and some attendees of these 'talks' have visited me for more what I would like to call inspiration.  I am no expert but  read books every day of the week. I read books by people who have inspired me, self help books and books by people who are over achievers. I also draw from my lifes experiences.

If you think you can or think you can't either way you are right

We are born thinking everything is possible. My own personal story is that a a child I read about how Icarus tried to fly to the sun by making wings from feathers and the glued the together using bees wax. Unfortunately he flew to close to the sun and the wax melted and he fell to earth. Now!! Being about 5 or 6 years old at the time I knew that when I got older there was know way I would use wax when I had a go!!!

That may be an extreme example but how many of us had dreams of being professional footballers, scientists, pilots etc... and were told to lower our sight instead of going for our dreams by parents and teachers.  Well I say differently. My own children know they are capable of anything and one wants to be a rocket scientist (aeronauical engineer) another has chosen to join the police and work through the ranks because he knows he can. We can all achieve a lot more than we believe. I believe if I put the work in I could be in Parliament even though I only have 2 GCSE's and 1 O'level. Look at George Bush?  I won't be a politician because I don't want to..... Thats what I believe.



Me my sons Mkey Maxie and San San Carlo's restaurant owner Eddie





A future star at Backayard bar

A visit to Frank Wise School helps you appreciate what you have

Back in the day