Former friends lock horns & 7 year old headlocks another under water to make friends

The Headline was as much to get your attention as it was true and the story features later in this blog. The story is more about compassion

On meeting people I always try to meet them with compassion. I imagine most people are going through similar trials and hardships that I have been through in my life. Many people I know have suffers losses of loved ones, divorce and separations, lost their jobs their homes etc... So when I meet someone new I keep this in mind. If you meet people with compassion you will find the atmosphere is far more relaxed than if you meet with hostilty. By showing a caring honest nature people will me more open and trusting of you. If on the other hand you are defensive or try to let a person know of your significance and self importance you are likely to get a less than warm welcome.


As a doorman I would often meet young men with a point to prove. They would appraoch me and tell me what fights they had 'apparently' been involved in, some would offer to watch my back if any trouble started and often smaller men would tell me how they were much tougher than they looked. On a rare ocassion I would get challenged by a drunken man who was out to impress his mates but would always diffuse the situation and have even told some that we could have a spar at my boxing club as I wouldn't want to take advantage of them whilst they were drunk. No one ever comes to the club to fight me and that's the way I like it. I know these people are drunk so I show compassion as it is far easier, nobody gets hurt, nobody's pride is damaged and I don't have to 'watch my back' next time I walk through town.


You see I think people are born into this world as gentle , caring people. That first look between a mother and child is magical and nature makes it this way. Apart from in rare cases most mothers will instantly bond with her child and compassion from the mother and daughter is off the scale. This is because of a chemical reaction in the brain, hormones are released to ensure there is a bond that keeps their relationship and therefore our civilisation going. The bravado I spoke of in pubs and clubs is normally an alcohol induced way of men showing they are 'Real Men'. Most of them when they go home will give their misses a kiss goodnight, Cuddle their children in the morning stroke the dog and get upset if they see a child suffering on TV.


What also can get in the way of compassion is selfish behaviour normally brought on by insecurity, too much pride and a lack confidence in the ability to solve a problem. People will use their upbringing as an excuse for lack of compassion. They will hurt people in either physical or emotional ways to be significant. I once asked a lad, who was asked to talked to me by his mentor, why he hurt people. He was 7 years old and recently whilst he was swimming he held another youth under the water in a headlock. His response was "It's how I get friends" At 7 years old he had older boys being his 'friend' because they feared him. Clearly they weren't his friends but they made him feel significant because they would rather be nice to him than face the consequences. Two other people I know and have taught at my club joined my club for the same reasons as each other. They had similar backrounds of a similar age and were going in the wrong direction. They were drinking too much, smoking, taking drugs and fighting on the streets Initially they became friends but over time they have grown apart and are now these once good friends are fiercest of enemies. I think it is crazy but they both have big personalities so are clashing and I fear it could all end up with someone getting seriously hurt or locked up.


The trouble is their pride is getting in the way of their compassion. Whilst I believe they should call a truce all their friends and family are encouraging them to do the opposite. It is now involving too many people and niether man is prepared to call a truce because of their pride.

Earning respect to me is about generosity and tolerence and looking for the good in people rather than imagining every person who didn't react the way you expected as being ingnorant or as I have heard people say "up themselves" Life can be difficult enough without adding more problems.





one love

Pleasure can be a pain

I meet and talk to people of all ages every day of the week. A few weeks ago I was talking to a man who writes the obituaries a National Newspaper 'The Guardian', yesterday I was talking to a man who writes the scripts for the TV show Casualty. Today I was talking to a retired school teacher and I speak often to a young man who was a heroin addict but is now sorting his life out but I am also talking to drug addicts who are struggling to see how their lives will ever improve and I talk to children with ADHD and Asperges and chat in the precinct to students whom I have met at Frank Wise School. I will sit down for my morning coffee at Cafe Nero to read a book in the hope that I can learn something that will help me understand peoples lives and give me an idea of how I can make a difference, how I can help or sometimes just to find out how the minds of world leaders such as Ghandi, Barak Obama, Winston Churchill or Nelson Mandela work and imagine I can make a difference just like they have I will also read books about leaders like Genghis Khan and Adolph Hitler to see how there minds work.. Maybe I am just looking for something to make my life more fulfilled?

I haven't always wanted to make a difference. When I was young it was all about me. I wanted to be a world champion, I wanted fast cars, a big house, all the things I see youngsters craving for now. I won Championships in boxing and kick boxing and fought in Europe and the USA. The most important person in the world was me but I was never really happy.

I always wanted something more and I do think it is what most people want, and if I am honest I still want a nice car, a big house, holidays every year. Most people I know have these things so why shouldn't I? But now these things are not so important. Although I am writing about them now, I never talk of my achievements on the street and rarely at my gym because they are not important. Don't get me wrong, I am more than happy to talk about my achievements if people ask but I don't volunteer the information. There are so many people who have achieved far more than me and they are less happy than I am. Frank Bruno was a World Champion who slipped into a well publicised depression depression as was Mike Tyson. They were rich but never found happiness through having money. All the money in the world won't buy you happiness but money is what everybody chases. We all think winning the lottery is the answer but it has caused resentment and has divided families. On the whole I think too money causes resentment.

Pleasure and Happiness

We all want to be happy. But sometimes we seek pleasure instead of happiness. I like to think that pleasure is short lived whilst happiness is something we carry with through our lives.

Pleasure can come in many forms; We take pleasure from eating, SEX, buying a new car, going on holiday, winning a boxing match was a pleasure. Even destructive actions can be pleasurable: getting drunk, putting a bet on the winning horse in the Grand National, the relief you feel when you take the first drag of a cigarette, the rush you get from a cocaine hit, even when I have seen a man kick his friend in the head in a drunken argument must have given pleasure as his foot landed even if he did feel bad about it when he sobered up.

I write these blogs because I know from the comments I get that many people can relate to what I am saying having been through similar circumstances. I like many people who are reading this have been a victim of destructive pleasure and I see it many times in people on a daily basis.

How many of us have friends and families we have seen struggle through life and not been able to stop their destructive habits eat away at their happiness. Worse still, how many of us encourage the destructive behavior On the other side how many people have destructive habits and can see how much it is hurting the people closest to them? and how many don't realize or care enough about themselves to be bothered. My mother asked why, if alcoholism is a disease why can't they just cut it out, she clearly hated being an alcoholic. My mother died at 44 years old

Pleasures are great and a big part of our happiness. But I am learning to understand long lasting happiness is far better than short lived destructive pleasures. I am happier now knowing this but frustrated because there are people I care about who seem to be on self destruct and it breaks my heart.

To be continued........

You helped keep me in business Thank you so much

Wow!!!! What a response to my plea to get me out of trouble. I have to admit the emotions got the better of me yesterday after I paid the baliffs and a tear or two did fall from my eyes. So a massive thank you to all the people who helped. Because of you I am still in business doing what I love doing. I will be having a little party to celebrate soon in my bar when I open it at the gym and hopefully you can all come and see the gym you have helped save. The future of Spit n Sawdust looks a lot better than it did. I have so many plans. I want Spit n Sawdust gyms all over the country. I am going to work soooo hard to make sure it happens but first I will make sure this one stays afloat.

I have said over and over again in my blog and to anyone who wants to hear "I love my job and would never want to change it" So why was I up this morning at 5am stressing about it again asking myself why? I am fortunate enough to have a job where I can help people on a daily basis, not just children, adults too. There are so many people who moan about their jobs and hate their jobs and can't wait til Friday weekends are too short and weeks are too long, the boss is a w**ker etc etc... But I have no boss Other than the tax-man and I love going to work. For this I am grateful.

Much of my job, away from the fitness training is convincing people children and adults, they can be everything they want to be. I try to get people to live for the now whilst planning for the future. I believe we are what we believe we are.

If we think we are useless under achievers, nobody likes us, we will never have a decent job, have a nice house, fall in love THEN WE WON'T! If we think we are too fat or too skinny, if we think we are ugly and no-one will ever love us THEN IT'S TRUE. I firmly believe that we aare a product of our thoughts and we convince ourselves that everything is against us so therefore it must be.

But the reverse is also true. If we learn to love ourselves (not in a conceted way) and tell ourselves we important and can achieve anything we want to achieve, can have any job we want as long as we work hard for it then WE WILL. If we decide we are going to be fit and if we are a little overweight or underweight it doesn't matter because it can be fixed and if we love ourselves people are more likely to love us then these things will be true.

This is the reason I am up at 5am on a Wednesday morning. I was up because although:

• I have my own business with only 2 GCSE's and an O'level in art





• I seem to have the respect of the community in Banbury. Hey I was even elected by Banbury people as a Town Councillor





• I have my very own boxing club





• I have a lovely supportive family





• My gym is busier than it has ever been and the boxing club is growing in numbers

I felt let down by one individual who shall remain nameless because it was me I was letting down by over-reacting

There are lots more reasons for me to be happy about but I woke up thinking the world was against me and the gym would eventually fail and all the people who helped me will now hate me. Sometimes at work I will feel let down and totally deflated, and that happened in a class last night. But it shouldn't have. My mind over reacted and it made me wake up at 5am this morning questioning why I do what I do. But the answer is easy....... I love my job.

I spend much of my time talking to kids and sometimes their parents and have some fantastic results. To some of you, convincing a father to take his 15 year old son out and buying him a coke might not mean much, but to me it was like Moses parting the Red Sea. You see normally this man buys his lad a shandy. Hardly a crime and I am sure most dads do and most 15 year olds go out and get drunk. But when I found out I was so upset I had to talk to the father and do my best to convince him that he shouldn't buy his lad a drink because he is a boxer now and if he is a drinker and his opponents are not then it will slow his reactions and he could seriously injured.

You see I don't believe habits that have been passed down the family are always a good thing. The slave trade passed through many generations but I am sure my ancestors weren't happy about it. My mother had a drink problem that has passed through one side of my family and I know thats not a good thing. This is probably why I have a bigger problem with drink than most people and think children should wait a bit longer before hitting the alcohol. They are in the morning of their lives and they have still to live their day.

I am a bit of an idealist at times and expect the impossible. But I am wise enough to understand we are all individuals and I am not always right, that is what makes the world such a wonderful place to live in. But I do believe I can help and know I have helped some people and it's what I live to do now.

I can see that what I have written can be seen as not moving with the times. Maybe I should accept that kids are drinking younger experimenting with drugs younger and having sex younger but I can't. I have seen too many lives wrecked through drinking and drugs and too many teenage pregnancies to turn a blind eye.

I would like to be seen as a builder of dreams for youngsters, not someone known for stopping children having fun.

Highs and lows of running Spit n Sawdust

This is a brief 'Warts and all' account of my time at Spit n Sawdust. It will tell of some of the highs and lows of running a fitness club on a shoe-string and how a recent event took the wind out of my sails.

Too Many Friends To Thank

I have been in business now for 7 years and 4 months. I am not sure how I have managed it but I hope I carry on for a long time to come. I have never earnt enough money to pay tax and but have had enough money to pay my bills at home. The gym as I mentioned in an earlier blog has expanded as I took over the building from the person who I used to rent part of the building from. Running Spit n Sawdust is the best thing I have ever done. Starting as a boxing style fitness club, the gym has gone through many changes and has seen many people come through it. The reasons I have never paid tax is because as a businessman I am not the best. Any money that comes into the club is spent on the gym, (I feel for my girlriend Jo) sometimes in preference to paying the bills. I would like to thank people like Mark Wilson, Pete Lyon and in particular Mark Cooper because without their help I would have closed long ago. Though the gym has improved year by year my financial position has got worse and my debts have risen. I think it is normal in business, Manchester United owe millions of pounds :0) There are so many people who have helped me over the years and I am sorry if I have not mentioned you. I need a whole blog just for acknowledgements. The picture on the right is a fun run gym members took part in to help raise money for the gym.

Highs Make The Lows Worth It

My best moments at Spit n Sawdusts all include watching people's lives change. My first objective when I opened Spit n Sawdust was to have a place to train that was excessible at all times, as the classes I was teaching at the time were held at school halls, sports centres and community centres. this meant hiring a place and then dragging all my equipment along to each class. Having my on place would mean I would not have to hire halls and lug all of my equipment about and gave me an opportunity to expand the business. The first years were tough because people who said they would join my club didn't, but I still had my regular boxercise class 3 times a week so my some of my bills were being paid and my landlord at the time was very understanding. Once I got more established and had more equipment the numbers steadily increased. So through the winter months I did well and through the summer months I struggled as kids were on holiday and the parents stayed home, went on holiday or found different things to do in Englands sparadic sunshine. I have had some fantastic times at the club. Getting my former trainer Ken Reynolds to start up an amatuer boxing club was a great landmark for me at the club. I got a friend (Emil Meyer) with the help of his uncle, to build a great boxing ring for me. The boxing club brought youths of the street and we turned many of them into competant boxers and before we knew it we were producing champions. We put a boxing show on once a year and have never had less than 500 spectators. I never wanted a boxing club initially as I thought it would be a ball and chain. Something I would have keep going with for ever otherwise I would be destroying peoples dreams if I were to close it but I am so glad I started it and I truly love having a boxing club. My dad would be so proud.

Getting Hit Below The Belt

Ironically that brings me on to a a couple of low points. Ken Reynolds died in January of last year. This was a sad time because not only was Ken devoted to the boxers at the club, but Ken had also been my trainer for 6 years 20 years ago. His passing left a big gap. I have, with the help of Asif Muhammed, Ben Malcher and recently Jamie, managed to get boxers back out their and boxing again. Many of our boxers are from difficult backgrounds and need something like boxing to keep them out of trouble, others are brought along to improve their confidence because they are being bullied at school. Some have been diagnosed with social disorders such as ADHD and Asperges Syndrome. My gym is open to evereyone with all ranges of abilities and disabilities. Some parents can't afford to send their children here so I have let them come for nothing knowing they need to come to the gym to build confidence and keep tthem out of trouble. Others come and don't pay because they are friends of mine. I recently told one of these friends they had to start paying so he stopped coming. I need to toughen up and people really should show a little more respect. If you are not paying and are reading this you know what I am asking. I get no help from the council and if you think being a Town Councillor is benificial you would only be correct if you were assuming they give me more disaffected children to help. Most people have a dim view of councilllors mainly I think because of the recents scandals over claiming for 2nd homes etc... I can tell you that I am paid nothing by the council and have never claimed a penny in expenses. I became a councillor because I wanted to get into schools and be able to help youths with 'issues' This as you can possibly imagine can have it's own problems. Misbehaving youths don't magically behave as soon as they walk though the doors of Spit n Sawdust. What I like to think is that I offer them a route to a better life. A life where there chances of falling foul of the law is less likely. I don't tolerate any kind of bullying including name calling and have barred people for fighting outside the gym after receiving complaints from parents. Unfortunately I dont succeed with absolutely everyone but enough to keep me trying. As I mentioned earlier in this blog I am not the best at business. This caused me to miss some business rates payments which resulted in thebailiffs wanting to recover the debts and gave me 4 weeks to settle the debt. Yesterday was a bad day for me. I went to the gym to check the money I had put to one side at the gym only to find it had been stolen. I don't like to lock things up as I try to show trust to the people who use the gym but unfortunately we can be too trusting. £460.00 was stolen from my filing cabinet and it's not the first time. I know I should lock things up and did buy a safe. I looked for my safe yesterday and that has gone too but there was no money in it. I will start locking things up against my better wishes. I am hurting a bit ... no a lot inside. Yesterday I spent in a daze, wondering who could have done it but not being able to point a finger as that would be unfair because I haven't a clue. I am at the gym 7 days a week 12 hours a day most days and occasionally pop out and leave the gym empty with the doors open (not any more) I just hope the person who took the money reads this and realise what damage they have done. This could potenially close the gym. £460 may not be a fortune but it is enough to keep a gym open. I am not sure how I will sort this shortfall out but hopefully all will turn out ok in the end. On a plus point the gym is getting busier and I am enjoying it more than ever. Things like theft come along and kick you in the balls from time to time I guess we just grit our teeth and carry on focussing on the good stuff that is happening at the club. It is Sunday morning the sun is shining today as I am writing this. I will be off to the gym in 20 minutes to pick up the peices. I am more disappointed than angry at the moment that might change if I was to lose my business.

Moaning but doing nothing to change things!!!

This post is not like other posts I have written and is a direct response to the parking charges implemented on Tuesday. From now on we all will be paying to park in the town centre from 6pm til midnight as the councils way of making more money. Fair enough some might say. But How will this impact on the businesses within the Banbury Town Centre and how will effect visitors who may be staying over night in the centre. When I first heard there may be charges I instantly contacted the Town council and asked if, as a Town Councillor, I had any say in the matter or was I powerless to make a difference stating if I could not be heard I was happy to stand down as a councillor. I was visited by another councillor shortly afterwards who told me I was valued as a councillor but after a brief conversation I found I was likely to have little or no affect on the decision made because it was a Cherwell District Council not a Town Council decision. I was also told of all the good things the council had planned but was still not happy about the parking situation and the implications the charges would have on the Businesses in the Town Centre. My first concern is how businesses such as myself, the restaurants, hotels and B&B's that don't have there own parking, the snooker club etc.. would be affected by the charges. I wondered why other towns had refrained from charging whilst we keep on increasing ours. It seems the smaller businesses will be hit hardest. I checked Witney where I sometimes go for a meal with my girlfriend, where the council don't charge and read an advertisement for Brackley stating how parking is free, suggesting Brackley may me a good place to visit. This makes me believe Banbury may be less of an attraction by charging us through all our waking hours. Add other facts such as it is free to park in all the major supermarkets and retail parks in Banbury and it is easy to see why a once bustling Town Centre has less people shopping within it. It seems that whilst we are busy trying to improve the Town Centre with pedestrianisation and regeneration in one breath, we are pushing people away by making it more expensive to visit with the next breath. I love Banbury and maybe with age I am becoming a bit old fashioned. I believe the Town Centre should be the heart of the town but to me they are ripping it out. Now we all like to complain but few of us aact on our complaints. I need your help. If you agree with me then lets do something about it. I will speak again to the council, although they seem to be saying nothing will change regardless. I will be speaking the Chamber of Commerce and The local papers and radio stations if I have your support. We are a nation of moaners and I incluude myself. But we need to stand up now and again and say "that's not right" If you disagree with me tell me why. Educate me, I often say things and am later proven wrong but please don't sit on the fence complaining if you are not going to do anything about it

My dad the single parent

I write blogs to hopefully inspire people to grow into better people. I know I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but I am a lover of people. I think as we get older we become more compassionate about people and think less about ourselves. Having children changed the way I thought, the way I drove my car and the way I viewed the world. Two years ago I started writing a life story after a man at my gym kept asking me if he could publish it. At first I thought what would I write about, thinking my life wasn't interesting enough to write a book about. Whether it is interesting enough is still debatable but once I got into writing it it helped me understand who I was and why I am the person I am. I wrote about 20,000 words then lost my mini laptop so never got to finish it. I would also suggest that everyone should write a life story it is great therapy. The biggest lesson I received from my life story was that my father was a fantastic man. I will try to keep this brief and leave your imagination to fill in the gaps. My Father (pictured right) was a Jamaican who came over to England 'his motherland' in the late 1950's after apparently being asked to leave the country by family because of the trouble he was causing. He left a son, Errol in Jamaica. On arriving in England he got numerous labouring jobs and was a bus driver and lorry driver for most of the time I remember. He started boxing and boxed out of Leamington Spa as a professional heavyweight in the same camp as World middleweight Champion Randolph Turpin, who famously defeated Sugar Ray Robinson. Whilst in Leamington Spa my father met the future mother of some of his children. The Children were Maxine, myself and Valerie. Our mum's name was formerly Patricia Mary Gladice Kidd which was not as funny as my dads full name Maxie Dougal Earle, but they were thankfully known as Maxie and Patsy. As I have mentioned in a previous blog mum fell victim to alcohol and moved away from Coventry to Banbury leaving my dad to bring us up. Bringing up 3 mixed race children in the late 1960's must have been a challenge, especially as a single dad. But in writing my life story I was to realise I had a very special dad who mixed discipline with a huge dollop of love. We lived on Milverton road in Coventry. A poor estate where even the dogs walked around in pairs and buses and taxis wouldn't go after a certain hour. But in all honesty it was great. There was violence and my dad did used to check beneath his lorry before starting it up. I never did ask him why. But we had an eventful childhood where hammering 6inch nails through sticks for weapons and using dustbin lids as shields to do battle, was one of my favourite games. Little things stand out in my mind as a child. The worst memories were of the fights and arguments my parents had before they finally separated, no child should have to see that and I would like to believe this was the reason my father decided to ask my mother to leave, but I was only an infant at the time. I believe too many people stay together for the children when the children would be much better off if they lived in a happier house with a single parent, when my mother left I was heartbroken and said prayers every night asking god to bring her back. But I was happier knowing there was no more fighting. Other memories I had were being asked to stay in the back of the house and stay quiet when there was a knock at the door if my dad was out working, because of visits from the Social Services (SS). My dad worked full time as a lorry driver and neighbours used to keep an eye on us but dad was frightened the SS would take us off him. Many times during the school holidays we were sat in the cab of his lorry (that just means next to him in the front of his lorry)and we would be travelling up and down the country in his 33ton loaded 'Foden' lorry delivering coal and we loved it. During the summer Holidays we would often stay in Leamington with my nan, aunts and uncles. They were great times my we had a lovely family soooo close. Dad did have a some short-term and a couple of long-term girlfriends. It would be unfair not to mention Yvonne, who was the mother of 2 more of our sisters, (Francine and Cassandra) and Sylvia who we lived with for a number of years. They were both lovely ladies and have remained friends over the years. Dad used to sit with us and tell us stories... actually some of the stories he would only tell me because they weren't for girls. I will tell a few later in this blog but some will have to remain secret Memories My dad like many dad's loved a practical joke and as kids we were always nervous of bringing our friends home. We would be concerned knowing that he would nine times out of ten shake their hands on meeting them and do the biggest fart... I remember one time that he was getting measured for a suit and as the man took his inside leg measurement dad let rip wit a fart that was strong enough to disturb the man's hairstyle. Yes is was disrespectful but as children we found it very funny. Asking my sisters friend if she wanted a ketchup sandwich and then making it from Tobasco hot pepper sauce was also not nice but very funny. I remember when we had a flat tyre on our car, we had no jack so he lifted the corner of the car whilst his mate changed a wheel. I also remember watching my dad cry watching a TV series called Roots about slavery. I really wish I could tell you more stories but my sisters would go crazy. I remember when my dad going to America a few years before he died to visit my brother Errol for the first time in more than 40 years and getting on famously. I remember my dad's last breath at hospital after losing his battle with diabetes. I remember how numb and empty I felt. Years on I still wish I could have persuaded him to choose a healthier lifestyle so we could have spent more time together. I know that it is not meant to be how long you live but how you live it but I wish he was still here. I believe he was happy for most of his life and had many experiences I will never enjoy. I also know his latter years were not happy and this was apparent when he turned to religion after a life of virtual Atheism. I have so many fond memories of my dad and wish he had hung around a little longer for my children to have similar memories. My dad was in my opinion a legend who is still living in me.

Drink, Drugs & Reggae

A regular sight as a child

Having a Jamaican father who liked a smoke meant I was always around 'ganja' My dad and his friends often had parties (blues) at our house on Milverton Road in Coventry. Those parties were great, not because of the smoke filled room but because we got to stay up late listening to Bob Marley and John Holt at volume 10 on the Gram (old record player with built in radio) we kids used to put our hands on the windows to see how much they vibrated to the music, and even serve drinks to our dads friends.   We were subject to the occasional raid and I remember being sent out to play with a pocket full of chopped up 'black' whilst the police would be searching the house for it. At first I had no idea what it was and thought they made rubbish marbles and smelt funny. I never saw much harm in smoking weed my dad would complain about the odd bad batch, because suppliers would fill his weed with leaves that were probably from a hedgerow. I even remember my dad growing it next to the mint plants in the garden because the leaves look similar. So my early thoughts of drugs were drugs are cool. My dad was the coolest biggest and strongest man I knew. He smoked drugs so drugs must be cool. He had other friends who would try all sorts of drugs. One of his closest friends was nicknamed 'Coke' I remember Coke trying to smoke a felt tipped pen? Last I heard Coke had HIV from sharing a needle.

I remember my father sitting night after night listening to reggae music with a sleepy smile on his face nodding his head to the slow heavy beat of the reggae music whilst high on ganja.  I never thought to much about it,  It was just what my father did.  I assume now, looking back, he was oblivious to the world as we know it.  The reason for this assumption is because of the day I remember a few years ago, seeing a lad I vaguely knew through his brother, who played in a band.  For the sake of this blog I will call him John Doe.  I had met John once or twice and knew only that he was my friends brother and that he had become a drug addict.  His parents were successful in their own rights and the brothers were well educated, but for some reason their children had rebelled somewhat.  The day I saw John he was walking along the center of the road between traffic outside the local cinema.  I didn't recognize him straight away because he had put on quite a lot of weight and grown a big beard.  But after I had decided to go and try to persuade him to come off the road and onto the safer pavement (sidewalk to you Americans who are reading)  I realized who he was and he also recognized me.  I was interested to know why he was walking down the middle of the road, in the middle of the afternoon.  He went on to explain in a very slow but reasonable and educated manner that by smoking good quality hash  it would take him to a higher plain., a peaceful place where he could look down on the rest of the world.  He explained how unless I smoked £200 worth of this hash each day that I wouldn't understand.  I thought to myself   "if he carried on walking down the middle of roads on busy Saturday afternoons whilst high on £200 worth of hash he would soon find a very peaceful place, where people would visit his grave bring him flowers"  I also understood that if I, never having tried drugs before, smoked £200 of hash in one day, would probably not survive to tell the story.  Looking back and thinking about my father sitting, listening to his music I could understand that this is where he must have been, in a different world seeing the world as that same peaceful place.  Talking to people who take drugs leads me to believe drugs are a way to escape the real world..

Since growing dreadlocks in the 1990's I have had many people stop and ask me for drugs. People have asked me in the street, when I worked the door and even at my gym. I understand why, as most people I know who have dreadlocks like a smoke. I have never smoked anything. I have never tried any drugs and didn't start drinking until I was 21. I never needed drugs and was probably scarred from seeing my own parents misuse of their chosen stimulants. And anyway my life was occupied with the dream of becoming a champion boxer.

My mother and father separated when I was a toddler I imagine because my mother struggled with alcohol. It is not that I have a lot of bad memories of my childhood that upsets me, although I do have a few, but more because I can remember little of the happy memories of when my parents were together.  I remember a few fights and arguments  between them.  I do remember my mother drinking and getting very drunk on Woodpecker Cider.  I have too many memories of my mother drunk and will never drink cider. I even stopped myself dating girls who drank cider.  When my mother and father separated my mother moved 30 miles from Coventry to Banbury where one of her best friends lived, and eventually met started a relationship and had a child with a local man. The child was my sister Hayley.  When she joined this world she was beautiful.  We used to come and visit my mother during some of the school holidays and would see Hayley during her early years. She was such a small fragile soul with big sad eyes even when she was happy and laughing.  Unfortunately My mother and Hayley's father separated when Hayley was just a toddler and my mother was left to bring up Hayley as a single mother but was still struggling with alcohol and eventually Hayley was put into foster care.  The foster parents didn't seem keen to let the family see Hayley, I guess they felt they were protecting her from her past, .  Whenever I knocked I was told she was not home.  When Hayley was 15  I managed to finally meet Hayley and arranged a trip from Banbury to Coventry.  I think it may have been Hayley's Birthday. I bought her a pair of jeans.  It was the start of me seeing a lot more of her.   To ensure we kept in touch I would ask her to come and wash my beetle and I would pay her  The day also stands out in my mind as it was the day Coventry City celebrated winning the FA Cup and the city centre was full with fans.

I remember going to visit my mother on regular occasions and one time I was told she was in hospital so I went to visit.  On getting to the Horton General hospital after asking to see my mother I was told she had passed away.  I was dumbstruck.  I didn't know what to do or say, I was offered a cup of tea by the nurse but I said I was okay and walked out of the hospital wondering what I should be feeling like after being told my mother had just died?   Hayley my, half sister, has also struggled with alcohol all through her adult life and she has seen her children get into drink related trouble. Whilst my dad was cool with his smoking, spending my life chilled sat with a spliff in the evenings alone listening to Reggae music as life passed me bye wasn't for me. My father died from inactivity when he was 63. The doctors said his heart was like a saggy sponge.

I feel alcohol robbed me of a mother

I was lucky enough to make the right choices and had the support of friends and family to help steer me away from drugs. My father never offered me a smoke and my mother never offered me a drink. But others aren't so lucky. As a gym owner I get many people of different walks of life use my gym. Many of the people are youths and a small percentage of those are youths with 'social issues' Some issues are medical but many of these social issues are related to the youths history and some are related to misuse of drink and drugs.

I know we will never stop drugs because there is too much money to be made by dealers. There is even documented proof of the CIA's involvement in making money from the drug trafficking in Columbia. If the worlds most powerful governments are actually involved how can it be stopped? What we can do is educate our own children about the dangers of drugs. Drugs are out there and always will be. The attitude of "all kids will experiment" is frankly a cop out. We need to not disguise the fact that drugs will make you feel great but also we need to make it clear that drugs end lives prematurely both in a physical sense as in death and in emotional sense as drugs will rob you of a 'normal' life.

I would love to be able to tell you of more personal experiences I have had with people I know who have struggled and are still struggling with drugs but it wouldn't be fair on them. In a sense I am sorry to mention Banbury Town Council am not sure how to end this post because I don't think there can be a conclusion. So I will end it by saying if you are a parent do the best for your children.  Love is what they need more than anything else.  It is important we show we are there for them and that we help them make the right choices.

In fact I have decided not to end this blog and talk further about how drink and drugs have impacted on my life.  Although there may never be a conclusion it is a subject that is close to my heart and deserves in my opinion a bit more time.  This blog is more about how the drink has affected my family and people I know than myself.  I do like a drink and have woken up with my share of hangovers saying  'I'm never going to drink again' I am currently on a detox for lent, the first time I have given up anything for lent since leaving school. So don't imagine that I am some clean living fitness fanatic who sees his body as a temple not to be poisoned by fast food, alcohol, late nights etc...  Everything in moderation is my motto, and occasionally not in moderation when needs be.

As a Councillor I have dealt with immigration issues

I am in a position now where I have my own small business and am lucky enough to say I am in a position of influence in my community, both through being a Town Councillor and also as a boxing coach, gym owner and part time youth mentor.   At work I have some quiet times when I can do things such as I am doing now, writing my blog.  In the past I have used the internet, in particular Facebook, to catch up with friends and relatives, let people know what is happening at my gym Spit n Sawdust or just natter to people who had nothing better to do.   I also get requests through Facebook regarding council issues.  These issues have ranged from housing to deportation.  Most of the issues are about children from parents.  Some issues will be about a child who is being bullied at school and others may be about how a child is misbehaving and always seems to be getting into trouble.  There are many reasons why the children will have issues.  Sometimes parents tell me the school teachers treat their children unfairly. I have known parents send their children to three schools and never found one suitable because the teachers don't understand their child or children.  The children usually settle in fine and then after time the same problems re-occur.  Sometimes children get into the wrong crowd, and are led astray and start drinking smoking and skipping school.  I know some parents believe that children should be responsible for their own actions and learn to say 'no' but I believe the majority of the discipline should come from home.  I understand also that there is no manual handed out when we have children and a lot of what we do as parents is what we know from past experience.

Past experience is not always the best way forward when bringing up children.  Times change and we must learn to change with them  I have used the saying 'if was good enough for me it is good enough for my kids'  But on further examination I have realised I was wrong.  Most of us want better for our children don't we?  I don't want my children to leave school with no qualifications like I did, then spend 20 years clock-watching in a factory.  It might seem I am being disrespectful to factory workers, but if my kids are going to work in a factory they will get enough qualifications so that they can be a manager.  Surely we should be encouraging them to make the right decisions to help them grow so they can see more, do more and have more than what we did.  What I am doing here is trying to find a nice way to say without offending any parents is that WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR CHILDREN!!   Our children need nurturing by us as parents.  I know it can be really difficult at times, especially for single parent families.  I know this, I am from a single parent family and talk to other single parents who are struggle with their children.  My marriage broke down and I know it was difficult for my ex-wife to manage 3 children and the house etc...   It can be equally difficult when the child has both parents and there are so many reasons that make it difficult both financially and emotionally.  Ultimately, as I quoted in my last blog a child needs love.  There is nothing more important to a child than love.  Going back to my parents.  I quoted in my last Facebook status that my 'alcohol robbed me of a mother'.  What alcohol did was rob us of our mothers love.  I understand my mother's life was controlled by alcohol and knew how much deep down that she loved us .

Too Late

 I have never been angry with my mother and will not have a bad word said against her and I love her now as much as I did when she was with us, but I know we would have had a better loving relationship if alcohol hadn't been involved.  I know in my heart that when I went to see her in hospital that I would not have wondered how I should have been feeling after hearing my mother had just died......  I was fortunate to still have the love of my father but know also that if he had chosen a different lifestyle that he would have been here to see my children come into the world.    I loved my father more than I had ever loved anyone.  Watching him take his last breath in hospital at the age of 63 was an awful experience.  I had to be strong and comfort my sisters but inside a part of me died.

I once wrote a newspaper article about the importance of looking after yourself and highlighted the fact that I had lost both my parents early due to their chosen lifestyle choices.  It was an article that would hopefully encourage parents to be there for their children and grandchildren. About three years later I remember picking my son Mikey up from school one afternoon and a lady came over to talk to me.  I had never met this lady before but her words made me so happy.  She said "Hello Dave, You are Dave Earle aren't you? I am sorry to bother you but a few years ago you wrote an article in the Banbury Guardian and after reading it I decided to change my life"  she continued by saying " I know I am not skinny but before I read your article I was so much bigger and you made me realise that if I was going to be there for my children that I had to lose weight" and she then thanked me and carried on about her business of picking up her children.

Bringing up children is difficult there is no doubt.  Lots of things in life are difficult.  The lady who lost weight because she wanted to be around for her children as they grew up must have found it difficult to lose weight.  I have lots of people who join the gym specifically to lose weight, normally to look better so they feel more confident in themselves but sometimes for other reasons.  It could be a doctor will send them here because of medical reasons and the boxers will sometimes have to lose weight to compete for a fight.  Having a reason gives people the motivation to achieve things whether it is weight loss or a job promotion.  Losing weight for her children was because of love.  As I have repeated through my blogs love requires work.  The more difficult a challenge is, the harder we work, the more we change.  In almost every situation the people who work the hardest see the best results, and the people who see the best results grow more and have a fuller life.

I have rekindled an old friendship recently with a man who I used to train when he was a lad.  He was a decent boxer but then as most lads do when they reach puberty, discovered women and alcohol and gave up sport.  Over the years I rarely saw him but when I did he was struggling with life in general.  He has, like many people including myself, had children only to see the relationship with his partner not work out.  His relationship problems, again like many resulted to him hitting the bottle and then he also started taking drugs.  He told me that he remembers starting taking drugs many years ago and getting hooked, but now remembers little of the time between starting taking drugs and the present day. Whist he was in rehab he met a man who was 47, who had been on drugs since he was a youth of 16 with glue and progressed, if that is the right word, onto harder and harder drugs as he got older.  What the man told my friend was that although he had aged 31 years, mentally he was still 16 years old as the drugs stopped him maturing into a man.  My friend told me he felt similar in the way that it seems like although he was on drugs for seven years it feels like he started taking drugs  last week and somehow he has lost all those years.

He now often visits and helps out with some of the classes.  He comes in for regular chats when we might talk about the old days or maybe our respective relationships and we will draw parallels between his life and mine.  He will ask how I coped with separating with my wife and children as he is finding it difficult being away from his family but knows going back is likely to take him take him back into that dark place that he no longer wants to visit.  I told him that my children are as close to me now as when I was married.  They will always be my boys and I will always be their father.  Whilst I am not a psychiatrist it is quite clear to see that he needs to move forward rather than backwards.  I find helping him to deal with his past is leading him into a better future.  The gym is certainly benefiting from his help and he is benefiting from helping out. (within these brackets is an update on my friend. His name was Phillip Panadher and he had a relapse and died from an overdose of heroin.  He did not handle being away from his children very well and though he done his best to provide for them, working as an agency driver did not provide a regular income and the pressure and stress became to much).
Although I have said we have to move with the times he had some old fashioned values and ways which I feel are lacking in today's society.  He called (dare I say) a spade a spade.  Where as some will tip-toed around an issue in fear of upsetting people he would say what he saw and I like that as I think we now nanny people too much and reward children instead of disciplining them.  Having him at the gym was a 'win, win' situation. and although people may frown at me having someone who once had a habit, His mother will tell you that for 7 months she had her son back for the first time in many years.  One night of stress for Phil proved too much RIP Phil.

It is so easy to judge people with addictions rather than help them.  It seems that if a person is wealthy and on drugs they are 'eccentric', if they are a footballer or a celebrity they 'need help', so are sent to a clinic to sort out their problems, but if they are Joe Bloggs or Phillip Panadher or someone in my family or yours they are druggies, down and outs or wasters.  Having had alcoholics in my family I know that there are some beautiful caring people out their who have fallen victim to drink or drugs.  Just as I know there are some wonderful children out there who have had bad starts in life, and can despite their sad beginnings can go on to be great adults.  Lots of people and organisations give up on these people and would happily have them put together on an island out of harms way and forgotten about.  But some of us have a go at helping them.  There are none of us that are perfect. I am sure I have been guilty of running other people down to make myself feel better about my own life, but when I see people doing the same thing it saddens me.  Yes, I know that some people seem beyond help.... but many are not and just need some guidance.

mmm One day I will be better than Muhammad Ali

As a child I think in every school report at least one teacher described me as a daydreamer.  I can't argue with that because I remember many a time being woken by the distant sound of my name getting louder and louder as the teacher would lure me back into consciousness.  And then they would ask me if I understood the question?  And I would ask myself  "there there a question?".  I generally sat at the back of the class to avoid having to answer questions but it rarely worked.  When I do talks to schools or colleges I will often go to the back of the room to find student participation, so sitting at the back of the class did me no favours.  As soon as a teacher got too deep into a subject for me to comprehend, instead of 'making my self look foolish' and asking him/her to explain so I could understand, I would close down and drift into my own world, far detached from the lesson.  Into a world  where I could be boxing for a world title, building my own racing car or even going to the Olympics and running for my country.  I imagined going abroad on holiday like some of the other kids in the class did.  I thought only the rich kids went abroad but thinking back, we lived on a council estate?  There weren't any rich kids on our estate?  Sometimes I would look around the class and see Claire O'Connor and would imagine what it would be like to have a girlfriend like her. (I was 7 years old when I fancied Claire O'Connor.  10 years later I had my first girlfriend.  Man I was useless with  girls)   I also used to daydream about my parents getting back together and imagined my mum picking us up from school like the other kids' mums did.  I only remember going on holiday once and that was to Selsey with my mum, nan, aunts and my sisters and it was brilliant........  I am daydreaming again now but we had a great time.  Really it was real, I am not making this bit up, I am not daydreaming it.  To be honest I still do a bit of daydreaming and I think we all should have dreams.

I imagine being addicted to drink or drugs would mean a person could spend most of their time detached from reality in a daydream just as I was in the classroom as a 7 year old.  Trouble is being detached from reality can include being detached from our children.  

PS

On returning to Facebook to update this blog, as I usually do, I came across this response from a Banbury girl called Candy Layne, to the status heading: "If you are wealthy, a famous footballer, a pop or film star who happen to find yourself addicted to drink or drugs then you a described as being eccentric or in need of help. You me our friends and family would be described as druggies, down and outs or wasters" 

"all drug uses are wasters in my opinion, doesn't matter who you are, what you do, or how wealthy you are... they're nothing but a selfish druggie that doesn't care who your habit hurts, from the slaves that grow the plants, to the people used for trafficking, to my parents killed by a man driving under the influence of cocaine. all they care about it their own high..... it has been 3 years this month, i wish people would think of the journey their drugs have made, that 1 joint/line/pill has been on a journey that has hurt people every step of the way, and each of those people hurt or killed has a family, parents, maybe children, it is a horrible web of pain that wouldn't exist if it weren't for demand for illegal drugs. I want everyone to think before they use drugs, is one nights fun worth all this pain and suffering? most people wouldn't murder someone, but they could be doing just that by keeping up the demand for these substances"

Candy also added " feel free to share my story, if it can stop one person then it's a step in the right direction" I currently have had just over 11,000 hits on this blog. I hope for everyone's sake this message turns at least on life around