The Headline was as much to get your attention as it was true and the story features later in this blog. The story is more about compassion
On meeting people I always try to meet them with compassion. I imagine most people are going through similar trials and hardships that I have been through in my life. Many people I know have suffers losses of loved ones, divorce and separations, lost their jobs their homes etc... So when I meet someone new I keep this in mind. If you meet people with compassion you will find the atmosphere is far more relaxed than if you meet with hostilty. By showing a caring honest nature people will me more open and trusting of you. If on the other hand you are defensive or try to let a person know of your significance and self importance you are likely to get a less than warm welcome.
As a doorman I would often meet young men with a point to prove. They would appraoch me and tell me what fights they had 'apparently' been involved in, some would offer to watch my back if any trouble started and often smaller men would tell me how they were much tougher than they looked. On a rare ocassion I would get challenged by a drunken man who was out to impress his mates but would always diffuse the situation and have even told some that we could have a spar at my boxing club as I wouldn't want to take advantage of them whilst they were drunk. No one ever comes to the club to fight me and that's the way I like it. I know these people are drunk so I show compassion as it is far easier, nobody gets hurt, nobody's pride is damaged and I don't have to 'watch my back' next time I walk through town.
You see I think people are born into this world as gentle , caring people. That first look between a mother and child is magical and nature makes it this way. Apart from in rare cases most mothers will instantly bond with her child and compassion from the mother and daughter is off the scale. This is because of a chemical reaction in the brain, hormones are released to ensure there is a bond that keeps their relationship and therefore our civilisation going. The bravado I spoke of in pubs and clubs is normally an alcohol induced way of men showing they are 'Real Men'. Most of them when they go home will give their misses a kiss goodnight, Cuddle their children in the morning stroke the dog and get upset if they see a child suffering on TV.
What also can get in the way of compassion is selfish behaviour normally brought on by insecurity, too much pride and a lack confidence in the ability to solve a problem. People will use their upbringing as an excuse for lack of compassion. They will hurt people in either physical or emotional ways to be significant. I once asked a lad, who was asked to talked to me by his mentor, why he hurt people. He was 7 years old and recently whilst he was swimming he held another youth under the water in a headlock. His response was "It's how I get friends" At 7 years old he had older boys being his 'friend' because they feared him. Clearly they weren't his friends but they made him feel significant because they would rather be nice to him than face the consequences. Two other people I know and have taught at my club joined my club for the same reasons as each other. They had similar backrounds of a similar age and were going in the wrong direction. They were drinking too much, smoking, taking drugs and fighting on the streets Initially they became friends but over time they have grown apart and are now these once good friends are fiercest of enemies. I think it is crazy but they both have big personalities so are clashing and I fear it could all end up with someone getting seriously hurt or locked up.
The trouble is their pride is getting in the way of their compassion. Whilst I believe they should call a truce all their friends and family are encouraging them to do the opposite. It is now involving too many people and niether man is prepared to call a truce because of their pride.
Earning respect to me is about generosity and tolerence and looking for the good in people rather than imagining every person who didn't react the way you expected as being ingnorant or as I have heard people say "up themselves" Life can be difficult enough without adding more problems.
one love
What are you trying to say, that you are better than those people,??? How many of them would openly beg for money from people they don't really know,Your "GYM" has failed 4 time's in the last year or so, It fail's because you are selling a bad product that only a few people want with standards that are well below Parr.You sell this help me keep doing the thing i love, what you love is doing very little in the way of work. quite frankly it's wearing a bit thin, if you worked in the gym monday to saturday and done your book keeping on a sunday you would avoid having to ask people to pay £900 .00 debit collectors fee's.
ReplyDeleteDear anonymous
ReplyDeleteThe idea of everyone helping to pay the debt wasn't Daves idea it was instigated by myself and a very good freind, if people were to to pay there way in life and not to take advantage of a man that is clearly just trying to help people with the only tools he has he would not have been in the predicament in the first place.
I feel that the comments that you have made may have merit and Dave will look on them as constructive criticism but if the gym was run soley as a business what would happen to the boys and girls that have parents that do not care where they are or what they are doing or with whom (that qestion is retorical).
I have worked with Dave and the last thing that he thinks is that he is better than anyone he belives that you treat people how you would like to be treated. (even people that like to remain Anonymouse).
I am not better than anyone and I know that. I didn't realise I implied that. The blog is not about me but I do take your points and welcome your honesty. I am the product I am selling and I am not the best book keeper in the world.
ReplyDeleteBut my product works and the proof of the pudding that is the people who's lives have been turned around at the gym.
My blogs are not attacking anyone they are meant to support people. If i had more responses like yours then I would stop writing. Maybe lots of people think the same way as you do and are frightened to say but I believe in what I am doing. I am sorry to dissapoint you but I will carry on writing.
I take on kids that nobody seems to care about the same kids that may be offering drugs to your children or breaking into your house. These children deserve a chance and that's what I do. Whilst the government cuts costs and the council spends thousands of pounds and Banbury in bloom I try to educate youths against drink and drugs. So if I see someone going wrong I let them know. I am in debt largely because of my lack of business acumen but also because I allow too many people to train for free. And I will always put my name to what I say and accept it as constructive critisism.
Unlike yourself
Cheers Spider.
ReplyDeletei always find these blogs very interesting and food for thought...ive known dave earle for many years...through many changes in my life,and he has always been a good friend to me, always consistent and never judging....i cant judge a man on his ability as a business man,just on his level of humanity and friendship....dave has worked his arse off to try and realise his dreams with this gym,,and is one of only a handful of men i have known who have really done this...no one is beyond critisism,but he is most certainly beyond mine....when you see someone with a similar working class background and education trying to acheive something up and beyond the norm...your dreams kinda rise up with them...they can do it meybe you can too...dave is no duncan bannantine its true...but we love him for that..his imperfections and mistakes make him human and approachable just like us....good luck to him and spit and sawdust...one love to all
ReplyDeleteI accept responsibility for the loss of the stolen money. Many lads are here because of their behavioural issues and some I guess were habitual theifs. I can't expect to wave a magic wand to change these habits but I should take temptation away. I doubt I will ever get the money back but unfortunately I am now having to lock everything up. This is an isolated incident. Pointing fingers and accusng people on this blog will only make things worse which is why I have deleted the accusation
ReplyDeletei understand why you have chosen to delete that however should others not be warned what a theif max kirkwood is? you promote him as one of your champs, and then allow his theiving ?????
ReplyDeleteIt is clearly a personal problem between you and Max. I personally don't believe Max took the money. I don't promote him as a champ? He is a raw novice learning the ropes. I have put the issue to bed and am moving on. I am just a little more careful and don't leave money lying around at the gym anymore.
ReplyDeleteIf you want to carry on this discussion at least be brave enough to put your name to your accusations. Better still come and talk to me face to face and I will tell you why I don't believe Max took the money.