It has been a while since my last blog and there have been many contributing factors. Including finding enough time, choosing what to write about, dealing with situations and members at the gym etc... but the main reason for me not writng is because at times I have been angry with one thing or another and haven't always been happy with my reactions. If I am angry the I will write with too much emotion and probably miss the point, so I decided to hold back from writing until I could get it clear in my head as to what I would write about. I also wanted to ensure that I could approach it without offending people or coming across, as someone suggested as 'thinking I was God Almighty' It is easy to give advice, as I am sure most of us know, whilst not taking the advice ourselves and therefore coming across as a hypocrite.
I will try to keep todays blog about how my personal situations have impacted on my life in the hope that others can relate to my situations and how I have dealt with them, or not, with the hope that it will inspire others to a happier or more fullfilled life.
Growing up in the 1970's in Coventry as a mixed raced kid had it's problems for me. Racism was probably my biggest concern as it was far more open and flippent comments made by 'friends' made me feel insignificant, but I laughed them off. I would watch documentarieis on the television which would serve to highlight how life was not going to improve as I grew older and left school. I watched programmes such as 'Love Thy Neighbour', which to be honest I did find funny but I couldn't imagine it being shown now. It was so openly racist it was incredible looking back. But as I say I found it funny, it was just the way things were. I remember watching a documentary that showed the different reaction a black man got to a white man when going for a job. How the black man who showed the same qualifications was dismissed as being underqualified and then how the white man was offered the job. The documentary also showed how a black man was refused entry to a golf club as there were no spaces for new members but when the white man was sent in he was accepted with open arms. As a adult in Banbury whilst working a factory, an Asian man was interviewed for a job. The interview went well but as the man left the interview room his interview papers were torn up and derogatory remarks were said of the mans colour.
Now this is not a blog about racism, it is a blog about how I was affected by these incidents. As a child I had little confidence. I had a father who was a strong role model who had educated me to be proud of my colour and heritage. I took strength from other role models such as Muhammad Ali, The West Indian cricket team who were flying at the time and winning everything and I also knew there were people far worse off than I was. But at school things were different, I struggled with confidence. I felt less capable of learning than my fellow white students, I found myself sitting at the back of the
class praying the teacher would not ask me a question I didn't know the answer to. When I thought I knew the answer to the question I would raise my hand but would still worry that if I was chosen that I would get it wrong. So school was difficult and not having confidence has helped me understand what some of the children, and adults, who come to my gym are going through or have been through. What I try to do is to give them confidence through showing them they can be good at something and in almost all cases this confidence spreads to other aspects of their lives.
I was convinced as a youngster I would end up with no job, I had no prospects, would never afford to pass my driving test so never have a car. No girl would find me attractive so I wouldn't get married have children or a family. I did have dreams like every kid but my sights were aimed lower than most. As far as girls go I assumed all girls would be too embarrassed to go out with me because of my colour and was once told by a girl later in life that she would have married me but her dad was racist? But I did eventually get a girlfriend and I had my first kiss at 17 years old. How embarrassing was that. I remember thinking what is she doing with her tongue? It was like she was searching for my chewing gum that I had just used to freshen my mouth.
I remember drifting through my school years and outside of school fearing gangs of skinheads which is why I eventually joined a boxing club. Another thing that I found difficult was, although to all my white school friends I was 'Black Dave' When I left school and started hanging with some black friends they called me 'light-skinned' Dave or 'Red Skin' I didn't seem to fit in anywhere? I wanted to be seen as BLACK because that is how I was brought up by my father.
What I have learnt over the years is that you will always suffer and never find happiness whilst you are blaming others or circumstances for your unhappiness. I am now a reasonablly successful man. I am a Town Councillor and business owner who is happy with life in general. I am happy in my skin and have no race issues. I believe I can achieve anything I put my mind to but also know I need to work much harder if I want to progress.
In the past I have carried burdons along with me. You could even say I had a 'chip on my shoulder' Most things wrong in my life could be blamed on something. I would never openly use the colour card but to myself it was a reason for not acheiving what I wanted. I have blamed the economy for the gyms failings when all I need to do is work harder on the business side of things I have blamed so many things on the way I was bought up and my lack of formal education. But then some times I stand back and have a good look at my self and think 'Dave you are a lucky B****rd' I am healthy happy and have a great family. I can and do help people with their lives which gives me an enormous amount of satisfaction. I am living proof that not having a formal education doesn't mean you can't gain the respect of your peers.
I once read in a self help book that if you make a list of everything you have ie: partner, kids or the school they go to, the car, your house or area you live in, your friends etc.. and then ticked off the things you would change, then all the things that you wouldn't change are the areas in your life where you were already rich. In our society we seem to dwell on what we don't have instead of what we have and it is fair to say most of us want more. But in my opinion we shouldn't forget what we hold dearest to us.
I will try to keep todays blog about how my personal situations have impacted on my life in the hope that others can relate to my situations and how I have dealt with them, or not, with the hope that it will inspire others to a happier or more fullfilled life.
Growing up in the 1970's in Coventry as a mixed raced kid had it's problems for me. Racism was probably my biggest concern as it was far more open and flippent comments made by 'friends' made me feel insignificant, but I laughed them off. I would watch documentarieis on the television which would serve to highlight how life was not going to improve as I grew older and left school. I watched programmes such as 'Love Thy Neighbour', which to be honest I did find funny but I couldn't imagine it being shown now. It was so openly racist it was incredible looking back. But as I say I found it funny, it was just the way things were. I remember watching a documentary that showed the different reaction a black man got to a white man when going for a job. How the black man who showed the same qualifications was dismissed as being underqualified and then how the white man was offered the job. The documentary also showed how a black man was refused entry to a golf club as there were no spaces for new members but when the white man was sent in he was accepted with open arms. As a adult in Banbury whilst working a factory, an Asian man was interviewed for a job. The interview went well but as the man left the interview room his interview papers were torn up and derogatory remarks were said of the mans colour.
Now this is not a blog about racism, it is a blog about how I was affected by these incidents. As a child I had little confidence. I had a father who was a strong role model who had educated me to be proud of my colour and heritage. I took strength from other role models such as Muhammad Ali, The West Indian cricket team who were flying at the time and winning everything and I also knew there were people far worse off than I was. But at school things were different, I struggled with confidence. I felt less capable of learning than my fellow white students, I found myself sitting at the back of the
class praying the teacher would not ask me a question I didn't know the answer to. When I thought I knew the answer to the question I would raise my hand but would still worry that if I was chosen that I would get it wrong. So school was difficult and not having confidence has helped me understand what some of the children, and adults, who come to my gym are going through or have been through. What I try to do is to give them confidence through showing them they can be good at something and in almost all cases this confidence spreads to other aspects of their lives.I was convinced as a youngster I would end up with no job, I had no prospects, would never afford to pass my driving test so never have a car. No girl would find me attractive so I wouldn't get married have children or a family. I did have dreams like every kid but my sights were aimed lower than most. As far as girls go I assumed all girls would be too embarrassed to go out with me because of my colour and was once told by a girl later in life that she would have married me but her dad was racist? But I did eventually get a girlfriend and I had my first kiss at 17 years old. How embarrassing was that. I remember thinking what is she doing with her tongue? It was like she was searching for my chewing gum that I had just used to freshen my mouth.
I remember drifting through my school years and outside of school fearing gangs of skinheads which is why I eventually joined a boxing club. Another thing that I found difficult was, although to all my white school friends I was 'Black Dave' When I left school and started hanging with some black friends they called me 'light-skinned' Dave or 'Red Skin' I didn't seem to fit in anywhere? I wanted to be seen as BLACK because that is how I was brought up by my father.
What I have learnt over the years is that you will always suffer and never find happiness whilst you are blaming others or circumstances for your unhappiness. I am now a reasonablly successful man. I am a Town Councillor and business owner who is happy with life in general. I am happy in my skin and have no race issues. I believe I can achieve anything I put my mind to but also know I need to work much harder if I want to progress.
In the past I have carried burdons along with me. You could even say I had a 'chip on my shoulder' Most things wrong in my life could be blamed on something. I would never openly use the colour card but to myself it was a reason for not acheiving what I wanted. I have blamed the economy for the gyms failings when all I need to do is work harder on the business side of things I have blamed so many things on the way I was bought up and my lack of formal education. But then some times I stand back and have a good look at my self and think 'Dave you are a lucky B****rd' I am healthy happy and have a great family. I can and do help people with their lives which gives me an enormous amount of satisfaction. I am living proof that not having a formal education doesn't mean you can't gain the respect of your peers.
I once read in a self help book that if you make a list of everything you have ie: partner, kids or the school they go to, the car, your house or area you live in, your friends etc.. and then ticked off the things you would change, then all the things that you wouldn't change are the areas in your life where you were already rich. In our society we seem to dwell on what we don't have instead of what we have and it is fair to say most of us want more. But in my opinion we shouldn't forget what we hold dearest to us.
I still read every day and the book I am reading at the moment is 'The Art of Happiness' by the 
Dalia Lama and an American Psychiatrist called Howard Cutler. Whilst I have no desire to become a Buddhist Monk or a phychiatrist reading this book has made me realise more than ever that once you are happy with yourself it is far easier to show compassion to other people.
Dalia Lama and an American Psychiatrist called Howard Cutler. Whilst I have no desire to become a Buddhist Monk or a phychiatrist reading this book has made me realise more than ever that once you are happy with yourself it is far easier to show compassion to other people. 
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