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Thursday, 21 April 2011
Former friends lock horns & 7 year old headlocks another under water to make friends
On meeting people I always try to meet them with compassion. I imagine most people are going through similar trials and hardships that I have been through in my life. Many people I know have suffers losses of loved ones, divorce and separations, lost their jobs their homes etc... So when I meet someone new I keep this in mind. If you meet people with compassion you will find the atmosphere is far more relaxed than if you meet with hostilty. By showing a caring honest nature people will me more open and trusting of you. If on the other hand you are defensive or try to let a person know of your significance and self importance you are likely to get a less than warm welcome.
As a doorman I would often meet young men with a point to prove. They would appraoch me and tell me what fights they had 'apparently' been involved in, some would offer to watch my back if any trouble started and often smaller men would tell me how they were much tougher than they looked. On a rare ocassion I would get challenged by a drunken man who was out to impress his mates but would always diffuse the situation and have even told some that we could have a spar at my boxing club as I wouldn't want to take advantage of them whilst they were drunk. No one ever comes to the club to fight me and that's the way I like it. I know these people are drunk so I show compassion as it is far easier, nobody gets hurt, nobody's pride is damaged and I don't have to 'watch my back' next time I walk through town.
You see I think people are born into this world as gentle , caring people. That first look between a mother and child is magical and nature makes it this way. Apart from in rare cases most mothers will instantly bond with her child and compassion from the mother and daughter is off the scale. This is because of a chemical reaction in the brain, hormones are released to ensure there is a bond that keeps their relationship and therefore our civilisation going. The bravado I spoke of in pubs and clubs is normally an alcohol induced way of men showing they are 'Real Men'. Most of them when they go home will give their misses a kiss goodnight, Cuddle their children in the morning stroke the dog and get upset if they see a child suffering on TV.
What also can get in the way of compassion is selfish behaviour normally brought on by insecurity, too much pride and a lack confidence in the ability to solve a problem. People will use their upbringing as an excuse for lack of compassion. They will hurt people in either physical or emotional ways to be significant. I once asked a lad, who was asked to talked to me by his mentor, why he hurt people. He was 7 years old and recently whilst he was swimming he held another youth under the water in a headlock. His response was "It's how I get friends" At 7 years old he had older boys being his 'friend' because they feared him. Clearly they weren't his friends but they made him feel significant because they would rather be nice to him than face the consequences. Two other people I know and have taught at my club joined my club for the same reasons as each other. They had similar backrounds of a similar age and were going in the wrong direction. They were drinking too much, smoking, taking drugs and fighting on the streets Initially they became friends but over time they have grown apart and are now these once good friends are fiercest of enemies. I think it is crazy but they both have big personalities so are clashing and I fear it could all end up with someone getting seriously hurt or locked up.
The trouble is their pride is getting in the way of their compassion. Whilst I believe they should call a truce all their friends and family are encouraging them to do the opposite. It is now involving too many people and niether man is prepared to call a truce because of their pride.
Earning respect to me is about generosity and tolerence and looking for the good in people rather than imagining every person who didn't react the way you expected as being ingnorant or as I have heard people say "up themselves" Life can be difficult enough without adding more problems.
one love
Monday, 18 April 2011
Pleasure can be a pain
Tuesday, 12 April 2011
You helped keep me in business Thank you so much
I have said over and over again in my blog and to anyone who wants to hear "I love my job and would never want to change it" So why was I up this morning at 5am stressing about it again asking myself why? I am fortunate enough to have a job where I can help people on a daily basis, not just children, adults too. There are so many people who moan about their jobs and hate their jobs and can't wait til Friday weekends are too short and weeks are too long, the boss is a w**ker etc etc... But I have no boss Other than the tax-man and I love going to work. For this I am grateful.
Much of my job, away from the fitness training is convincing people children and adults, they can be everything they want to be. I try to get people to live for the now whilst planning for the future. I believe we are what we believe we are.
If we think we are useless under achievers, nobody likes us, we will never have a decent job, have a nice house, fall in love THEN WE WON'T! If we think we are too fat or too skinny, if we think we are ugly and no-one will ever love us THEN IT'S TRUE. I firmly believe that we aare a product of our thoughts and we convince ourselves that everything is against us so therefore it must be.
But the reverse is also true. If we learn to love ourselves (not in a conceted way) and tell ourselves we important and can achieve anything we want to achieve, can have any job we want as long as we work hard for it then WE WILL. If we decide we are going to be fit and if we are a little overweight or underweight it doesn't matter because it can be fixed and if we love ourselves people are more likely to love us then these things will be true.
This is the reason I am up at 5am on a Wednesday morning. I was up because although:
- I have my own business with only 2 GCSE's and an O'level in art
- I seem to have the respect of the community in Banbury. Hey I was even elected by Banbury people as a Town Councillor
- I have my very own boxing club
- I have a lovely supportive family
- My gym is busier than it has ever been and the boxing club is growing in numbers
I felt let down by one individual who shall remain nameless because it was me I was letting down by over-reacting
There are lots more reasons for me to be happy about but I woke up thinking the world was against me and the gym would eventually fail and all the people who helped me will now hate me. Sometimes at work I will feel let down and totally deflated, and that happened in a class last night. But it shouldn't have. My mind over reacted and it made me wake up at 5am this morning questioning why I do what I do. But the answer is easy....... I love my job.
I spend much of my time talking to kids and sometimes their parents and have some fantastic results. To some of you, convincing a father to take his 15 year old son out and buying him a coke might not mean much, but to me it was like Moses parting the Red Sea. You see normally this man buys his lad a shandy. Hardly a crime and I am sure most dads do and most 15 year olds go out and get drunk. But when I found out I was so upset I had to talk to the father and do my best to convince him that he shouldn't buy his lad a drink because he is a boxer now and if he is a drinker and his opponents are not then it will slow his reactions and he could seriously injured.
You see I don't believe habits that have been passed down the family are always a good thing. The slave trade passed through many generations but I am sure my ancestors weren't happy about it. My mother had a drink problem that has passed through one side of my family and I know thats not a good thing. This is probably why I have a bigger problem with drink than most people and think children should wait a bit longer before hitting the alcohol. They are in the morning of their lives and they have still to live their day.
I am a bit of an idealist at times and expect the impossible. But I am wise enough to understand we are all individuals and I am not always right, that is what makes the world such a wonderful place to live in. But I do believe I can help and know I have helped some people and it's what I live to do now.
I can see that what I have written can be seen as not moving with the times. Maybe I should accept that kids are drinking younger experimenting with drugs younger and having sex younger but I can't. I have seen too many lives wrecked through drinking and drugs and too many teenage pregnancies to turn a blind eye.
I would like to be seen as a builder of dreams for youngsters, not someone known for stopping children having fun.