How do we get from 'ffs I will never do anything right!' to 'There is nothing I cannot acheive!!!!'

My Renault 5 was not quite as quick as a Fiat Panda

We all talk to ourselves all of the time even if we don't want to.  Most of the talk is often negative and stops us doing the things we want to do.  We tell ourselves we haven't the time to do things, we can't afford to do things, haven't got the energy to do stuff, can't be bothered to do anything.  The amount of times I hear people say they are bored, and when I have asked them why don't you do something they say 'I can't be bovered'  They can't even be bothered with the 'th' in bothered.  Well don't say you are bored then!!!!

In my Beemer I was the 'dogs Gonads'

I remember starting a job as a life assurance salesman back in the 90's.  I traded my new Renault 5 Campus in for a six year old BMW 3 Series.  Each morning I would leave for work in a suit, jump in my beemer and cruise 40 minutes in style to Bletchley near Milton Keynes ready  for work.  I felt like the dogs gonads.  I had arrived in the real world where I had real responsibility and had the opportunity to change and add security to peoples lives.  I could help people buy houses, retire early, set up endowment policies for their houses or long term saving plans so their children had a start in life when they finished school.  All of a sudden there was purpose to my life and I was so happy.  My previous job was a machine operator at the chocolate factory where I had spent 5 years of my working life.  I remember the first job I had at the chocolate factory; it was sat on a plastic tray in my white overalls, watching the smarty centres trundle of a conveyor belt into another tray, where it was up to me to sort out the good smarties from the bad smarties, for 8 hours a day.  I remember thinking I wish I was on Jensen 5 so I could sort out the mini eggs because this is so tedious. 5 years I worked at the chocolate factory clock-watching, waiting for the day to end.  The Chocolate factory was one of a many factory and warehouse occupations I held over a period of 20 years since leaving school.  I had 'assembled' mobile telephone cases with a single click before passing it on to the next person,  picked and packed at numerous warehouses, and stacked bread all day in a bakery.    So when I got the chance to sell life assurance pensions and other financial services I was over the moon.  Waking up that first morning thinking 'this is the new me' I put on my suit, I pushed my chest out, rolled my shoulders back, lifted my chin up and walked proudly to my BMW.  After completing my training as a life assurance salesman I was told to visit all the people I knew who might require one of my financial services. It started brilliantly but I quickly found I was running out of friends to sell to.  To be honest I was running out of friends full stop.  I now knew why one of my work mates at Sun Life of Canada always started his cold calling by saying 'Don't hang up I am not a Jehovah's Witness'   We were programmed to sell to everyone we met, because 'everybody needed financial advice even if they didn't realize it'  We used to go to work every Wednesday for a chat with our boss to discuss how many leads we had and how many leads had turned into sales.  The rest of the day was spent prospecting, cold calling, I felt there was nothing worse than cold calling. we would be using the business directories and yellow pages.  Then on the other days we were told to go cold calling to peoples homes.  Yes, we were to knock on doors whilst people were settling down to have there meals with their families.  I felt embarrassed doing this.  We often went in pairs and I hated the rejection. I wasn't a salesman I stopped the cold calling and decided to rely on trying to get people I knew to sign up to a pension or take out a mortgage.  I really did believe in what I was selling but the rejection from strangers and the fact people I knew seemed to start ignoring me meant I did less and less 'prospecting'.  Nobody wanted a pension or life assurance My wage was largely commission based so after a year I was broke .  I remember when I first started to dislike the job and that was when I struggled selling.  My boss started by saying 'you're so laid back Dave you a horizontal'  but after a while when there were virtually no sales he was more blunt.  He said to me 'You are not laid back Dave, you are just afraid to bite the bullet'  I remember those words as if he said them yesterday.  He was right of course.  I might have initially liked driving to work in my BMW wearing a suit and having the opportunity to change peoples lives, but  now I hated everything about my job.  In the end I couldn't be bothered, and because of this I lost my flat, my car and my girlfriend. Eventually I lost my job too, I felt I had been used for the friends I once had but now I had been dumped as I was of no more use.  I felt I had no friends, it seemed the whole world had turned against me, I couldn't even afford to go out for a drink to make new friends.  I felt I was a failure because that is what I told myself.   I had many years of telling myself I wasn't any good at anything other than boxing.  But by now I was to old to believe I could make any money from that.  I really didn't have any prospects.  I had no qualifications to help me get any job.  Fortunately I lived in Banbury so I had a bit of a name so I bummed around looking for work whilst bouncing on pub doors to make ends meet.  Other than my achievements in boxing I felt I had nothing to be proud of.   One good thing that came out of selling life assurance was that one lady who decided against buying life assurance from me took a shine to me and we stated dating.  Three years later we got married and went on to have three sons who I love so much. and are a huge part of my life.  I did felt I did everything I could to make my boys proud.   But my old ways never changed.  I was never happy with any of my jobs and we always struggled with money.  This put pressure on the relationship with my wife and eventually and understandably after seven years together she asked for a divorce.  She told me that being married to me was like looking after an extra child and I could see her point.  I should have been more bothered.

So as you can see telling myself I wasn't a salesman, nobody wanted the financial services that I had to offer, not biting the bullet, and hating cold calling never helped me.  I saw little of a future in any of my jobs once I had decided I was unhappy.  Looking back I can say I should have tried harder, I could have sold more as a life assurance salesman because the potential to earn a lot of money was definitely there and I would have been more successful in my working life and my home life.  Factory and warehouse work should have worked as I could have worked harder for a promotion which would have given me more money so I like many of my friends, would have the security of my own home and holidays abroad every year. But Shudda, Cudda, Wudda   is not much better than Shan't, Can't, Won't.   To improve our lives and become successful we need to change the way we talk to ourselves.  Positive thinking alone is not the answer.  I have so many positive thoughts over the years.  I was going to be a World Champion! Better than Muhammad Ali!  That's fairly frigging positive.  I am sure lots of people reading this had dreams of playing for their favourite football team, being a model and travelling the world or being an airline pilot?  Lots of people, including my trainer told me I Shudda trained harder and Wudda been in the Olympics and Cudda been a World Champion.  Whether I should have, would have or could have is all history now for me and I am getting on with my life.  Do I have regrets? maybe a little as far as the boxing goes.  It would have been nice to see how far I would have got if I was totally committed, and if I had actually believed in myself a little more.  But lets be honest, that can be said for any of us.  I am no different to anyone else, if anyone had trained for as long and hard as I did, with the same amount of conviction then they would have achieved the same as I did.  All we can do now is make sure the rest of our lives go the way we want them to.

I am at the stage of my life now where I feel I need to take the next step.  I feel I am moving from cudda, shudda, wudda to a place where I am making things happen.  This is still an insecure place as I am not totally in control of my finances but more than I was before.  I understand that I could still fail but feel more equipped to move forward.  I feel the main reason for this is reading and writing.
I have never been one for reading books but since starting a couple of years ago I have been converted into a daily reader.  I don't read anything that I feel I won't learn from.  I understand that many people read as a form as escapism and that many fictional books are informative.  My girlfriend reads books such as the 'Da Vinci Code' which is full of facts and is very descriptive to the point that she wants to visit Paris and see the places she has read about.  I have read many self help books, some good and some a load of old b****cks, consequently this had lead to me writing this blog.  In the past I have always had that boost after finishing reading as I mentioned earlier in a previous blog, but I have never been able to change my approach to life for a long period of time so often end up where I started.  There is a short story that explains why we don't maintain a change of lifestyle in the book I am reading caleed  'WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU TALK TO YOURSELF'  The book was written in 1985 by a man called Shad Helmstetter and was given to me by a man who reads my blogs.  In this book there is a section that says about why we don't move forward with our lives and keep slipping back to our old ways.  He explains why positive thinking doesn't work by asking us to imagine we have a 'mental department'  The place where we live with our thoughts.  The department is filled with all our old thoughts about ourselves and the world around us.  Many of our thoughts are handed down from our parents teachers, friends, colleagues, the media etc... All these have helped programme our subconscious minds.   They have given us the furniture and we have stored it in our 'mental department'  We are told to imagine that most of that furniture is negative 'hand me down' furniture and is weary with age and worn.  The chairs are broken and shaky, ready to fall apart if sat on too heavily, the pictures, hanging crookedly on the walls, are yellowed and faint.  the kitchen table leans at an angle, the dishes are chipped and cracked, no cup has a handle, long since broken away.  Coils on the bed-springs show through, rusted and bent, the rug on the floor is more patches and holes than it is a rug. With these furnishing a strong new piece of furniture (some positive thought)  would seem out of place, but though here and there, there might be a sturdy piece of furniture or two.  But they are too over run by clutter to be noticed at all.

Now imagine someone comes over and offers to come over to your mental apartment and help you get rid of all your old furniture.  They tell you they are going to get rid of all your negative thinking once and for all .  So at 4.30 tomorrow afternoon they arrive and start to carry out all your old hand me down furniture and store it in the garage out of site.  They remove every piece, every dish, every rug, every sofa, table, bed and chair.

Gone forever?

By 6 o'clock everything is gone and we are left with a clear mind.  Not a negative thought in sight.  Not a sofa, chair, table.  Nothing at all......now I can become a positive thinker.  But that was at 6 O'clock.  What happens later in the evening when there is nothing in your mental department?  You need something in there. you need some thoughts otherwise you will go nuts.  So you have to go to the garage and get some of your negative thoughts.  First a table, then a chair and then maybe a dish or two.

We are most comfortable with our thoughts that we have lived with for most of our lives.  It make no difference if those thoughts are bad for us, it was what we know.  It is what we feel most secure with by our sides.  By 10 0'clock we have brought back the trusty old TV and one by one we will begin to bring in all our old trusted and time worn negative thoughts back into our mental department! Why? Because when you moved all of your old furniture out you didn't replace it.  You had no positive new thoughts to replace the negative old thoughts.  When we decide to stop thinking negatively we need to immediately start to think positively to ensure the negative thoughts are kept out.

By reading and writing in order to hopefully inspire others I am inspiring myself.  I am, not immediately, but slowly getting rid of my old furniture and replacing it with new.  I no longer say I cannot do things and don't tell my self I am not clever enough, or not good enough to do anything.  I am moving out of the cudda, shudda, wudda and taking as many people as I can with me, onto a better place where we are achieving more and fulfilling more of what we want to achieve.

What I have started doing is telling myself I am more organized.  I am tricking my subconscious mind into  believing I am more organized, that I have a good memory and that I am good enough to do my own paperwork.  In the past I have gone hard at it and made rash changes thinking I can change the world in a day.  By doing this I have achieved a lot in a short space of time only to suddenly stop.  Now, as I tell my subconscious that I am organized, tidy, a good businessman etc I am starting to believe in myself.  I regularly tell myself how I love to get things done, how I know that by doing things, I have always relied on others to do,  that I will be successful.  The more am telling myself the more I want to become what my subconscious is telling me.  Believe me, this is something I have never tried before but I am starting to believe that this is easy.  I am becoming the man I want to be just by telling myself I am him already him.  Every time I do something I wouldn't normally do, I ask myself why I didn't do it before.  It is a bizarre feeling but a great feeling.  What I am beggining to realise is that I have always had the ability to do things but I have got into a way of life that has told me I can't.   I was sent a text about funding and how I should apply for funding.  Funding is something people told me I should have been applying for many years ago due to the work I do with youths.  I apparently fit into all areas that the government want to give funding for:  I work with all ages from 5 years old up to pensioners, I work with all ethnic diversities, I work with children and youths with social and behavioural issues, I provide a service in the way of work experience,  visits and fitness classes to schools, colleges and special needs groups, I mentor children and teenagers and sometimes parents etc... But I don't apply for funding, why?  The reason has always been because I didn't think I deserved it,  And questioned why I should receive 'handouts'.  I now believe that I do provide a service and truly believe that without my boxing club the crime rate in Banbury would be higher and more children would be getting into trouble.  I remind myself of the people who's lives have turned around for the better because of Spit n Sawdust. When I hear of a crime being committed by a youth in Banbury and that youth has either hurt someone, or the crime is a result of the youth turning to drink and drugs, I wish they had joined my gym so I would have had a chance of changing their mindsets and maybe had pointed them on the right road.  So now I am thinking, with funding we at Spit n Sawdust can help far more people, and by not looking for funding or following up on leads people have given me to find funding I am letting people down.  There has always been this nagging voice in my head when I think of applying for funding.  That nagging voice is the echo of the times I have heard of people saying 'Why should Dave Earle have funding he is a business?'.  But I am assuming these people don't realize what my business does or what it will be capable of doing with the help of funding.  More funding will secure the future of Spit n Sawdust and give us the opportunity to grow and help more people.

Dreaming is for dreamers. Don't wait

When I first opened Spit n Sawdust I said to my girlfriend 'this is the first of many clubs'.  I had a dream of having fitness clubs all over the world.  Now I still want clubs all over the world but not only as fitness clubs. I want clubs that do more than get people physically fit but also a club that is affordable that gives everyone the opportunity to grow as people no matter what their backgrounds or where or how they were brought up. I understand that some people start off on the wrong foot through no fault of their own.  Most children given a bit of encouragement and care can go on to achieve much more than we might believe.  I am believing in myself now more than I ever have and believe we can all do the same.  But many of us need to change.  We need to really believe in ourselves and get rid of the old furniture that is holding us back and replace it with new furniture that will take us into a new and successful future.  I am on my way there now and will arrive there soon.  If we look forward and see only darkness and disappointment with the feint hope of a lottery win to change our lives, you can guess what we will find when we get there, and it is not a lottery win.

So what do we all need to do to change.  How do we move from being who we don't want to be to the person we do want to be?  Once we have decided that we have moved on we need to 'close the deal'.  If it was giving up smoking that we have decided to is going to be a thing of the past and we have recently managed to kick the habit we now need to tell ourselves 'I don't smoke, my lungs are clean and healthy, I have no habits that harm me or hold me back in any way' and instead of doing things when we feel like doing them we do them as soon as they need doing, telling yourself 'I enjoy doing things when they need to be done, I love being organised and love getting things done.  This may free up more time to either do other important jobs that will help you move forward or even give you more quality time with a loved one.

Once you have convinced yourself  'I am a winner, I believe in myself', I respect myself and like who I am', I have decided to take charge of my life and be successful and that's what I am doing'.   Can you imagine going through the rest of your life with that kind of self talk on your side.  You deserve the best out of life perhaps it's time you did something about it?

READING THIS BLOG AND SELF HELP BOOKS DO NOT CHANGE PEOPLE. THEY ARE JUST AIDS TO GUIDE YOU. 

YOU ALONE CAN MAKE THE CHANGES BUT IT REQUIRES ACTION SO GET STARTED AND DON'T BE INSPIRED JUST FOR TODAY, TOMORROW OR NEXT WEEK.  

START PUTTING THINGS RIGHT TODAY AND REPROGRAMME THE WAY YOU THINK, TAKE IT WITH YOU FOR THE REST OF YOU LIVES

Self help books are a little like the exercise machines we have at home.  Before I had my gym I used offer personal training at peoples houses.  I would advertise my services via fliers through peoples letterboxes and then wait for the calls so I could arrange appointments.  I would then visit the people who expressed an interest in personal training and set up a programme to help them with their health and fitness.  Some people would want to lose weight, others might want to gain muscle and some just didn't feel comfortable using gyms.  So on the next visit I would arrive at their house with a range of equipment that I felt would be suitable for their fitness training.  One man I visited was ex-army.  He had long since left the army but in his quest to keep fit he had turned his garage into a gym and had a good range of fitness equipment.  But like many people the thought of training was more appealing than the reality.  On starting his training routine he was full of enthusiasm and he increased his fitness levels in a very short time.  His programming from his army days slipping easily back into action and in only two months the changes were phenomenal. He had lost his belly, from being unable to run a few hundred meters without getting out of breath he could now run 5 miles, his strength and stamina returned and I found I was getting fitter just keeping up with him.  This was truly a win, win situation for me.  But like many of my customers, he suddenly stopped training saying work was getting in the way.  whether this was the real reason I will never know but many of the people I used to visit had similar stories.  Many people who wanted personal training were reasonably comfortable financially and had their own fitness equipment at home ranging from a couple of pieces of gym equipment, to an entire gym.  I remember visiting one customer and thinking "This lady should make herself some money and open this gym to the public".  But, just like that teach yourself a foreign language cassette we used to listen to in the car, the self help books that once inspired us and the running shoes we bought so we could one day run that marathon they soon all become discarded.  Most of the houses I visited had fitness equipment that doubled as a place to dry clothes.

Getting from I cannot do something to should do something and onto I will do something is a step by step procedure that takes us onto doing things.  Personally I have never been organised which I feel is the reason my business has never moved forward at any pace.  I have always been terrible at paperwork and doing the books and even dropped out of a business course at college because I found it too difficult.  Hence the reason I don't feel I am cut out for business.  But eight years after starting my business I was still in business telling myself that if I was better at business I would be more successful.  Whilst I have watched businesses close all around me I have be telling myself  "It is only a matter of time before I lose my business" The pub next door has closed down 7 or 8 times since I started my gym in November 2003.  The credit crunch has been responsible for the closure of multinational co-operations such as Woolworths and Chicago Rock Cafe but I was still here giving myself a hard time about how rubbish I am at business.  I need to be better at running a business, of that there is no doubt otherwise I will struggle on for the next 8 years.  But does the fact that I have never been organised and flunked a business course  mean that I don't have the ability to be successful?  Am I unsuccessful?  Does the fact that I couldn't even get finance on an additional mobile phone that would have cost me an additional £15 a month, last month mean that I will probably fail in the long term and I have been 'lucky' since 2003?

I found out last night whilst door knocking for votes as a town councillor that 'we' as councillors are treated in many ways less welcome than a Jehovas Witness.  My father was a Witness and told me of the constant rejection he got when knocking doors spreading the 'good word'  Whilst out last night I realised I was responsible for everything the Conservative government has done wrong.  The pension reforms, family tax credit reforms, the price of fuel at the pumps etc.... It was all our fault and last night it was my fault.  Like my father I am a foot soldier, but I am a foot soldier for the Conservative government.  I became a town councillor because I love Banbury.  I had no alliance to any political party as I believed they are all the same.  Like any business they are given a budget and told to keep the country afloat.  As far as I could see all governments make promises they can't keep to win votes, if they didn't they would never be elected.  I knew that by becoming a town councillor I would be in a position locally where I could visit schools and help children.  Helping people is my business.  Joining the conservative party helps me run  my business.  Whilst we were out canvassing one man said, of me, that he would not be voting for me because I am only doing it to help my business?  Well I am not ashamed to say, yes it is to help my business.  My business is everything to me and if the government can help me get into schools and help direct children and youths onto a better life then I am guilty as charged..... That's enough politics for now

Back to how talking to ourselves.  I want to talk about how easy it is to be down on ourselves and conversely how we can pick ourselves up.  But first I want to put things into perspective I want to talk about yesterday when a friend of mine came around for a chat and a catch up.  He has quite a good life, he doesn't have a lot of money, a nice car or a big house, in fact he likes to talk about what he does have and the good times he has had or is gong to have in his life. We use Facebook to occasionally chat and catch up with each other and maybe discuss a bit of boxing, as his days are primarily spent on the internet talking about boxing to many professional boxers and boxing fanatics, and I run a boxing club.  Yesterday as he occasionally does he decided to pop in for a chat and a cuppa in my bar.  We exchanged formalities and I asked him how he was doing.  He said he was fine, doing great, talking to lots of people in the 'game' he did a bit of name dropping and I was suitably impressed.... and then he told me he had just recently been diagnosed with lung cancer.  I was obviously surprised and asked him when he found out and the prognoses.  He said he is taking each day as it comes but after the initial shock had quickly come to terms with it and is making sure he keeps on enjoying life.  Since taking an interest in boxing he has met so many people and has been treated so well by the boxing fraternity that he feels lucky to have such great experiences.  He told me of his all expenses paid trips to Germany to watch world title fights, he meets and talks to people everyday either through Facebook or on a personal level, he introduces people to each other through his boxing forum, who then, although they live in different countries and continents will go on to be friends and travel to see each other.  Whilst he was talking to me his voice was full of excitement and he was looking forward to things that were going to happen in the near future rather than focusing on his disease.  He was here for an hour or two and when he left I thought "that was amazing"

A few months ago I was talking to another person who had came to the gym one afternoon for a chat.   Again we exchanged formalities and I asked how she was doing.  She said she was ok thanks.  She then went on to say she had been signed off work with depression.  I know this lady well and I also know she was going through a bad time and had recently ended a relationship, so could understand why she was signed off with depression.  I asked if she was feeling alright and she said yes she was feeling fine so again we exchanged banter whilst having a hot drink.  Whilst I see that this lady was going through a difficult time and can see that being away from work may help her 'condition', on reflection now, after talking to my friend and seeing how he is dealing with the fact that he has cancer and in his words "I don't know if I will see Christmas" I start to wonder how the human mind works?  I think my first friend showed an amazing amount of courage to face his disease and make the most of his time, experiencing as much as he can in the time he has left, whilst I imagine my second friend, although I don't doubt she was depressed, could with a different mindset manage her illness better.  I have low moments like anyone else but I find I am getting better at dealing with them by putting everything in perspective.  If we accept we need to solve problems to grow as people then surely the problems will become just obstacles that lead us on to a better life? Otherwise if they remain as problems they will always be problems and we will never move forward.  Have you ever, Yes you! have you ever had a long standing grudge with someone?  It might be from years ago when you were at school about a relationship, or a time when that person made you look stupid in front of your friends.  Have you then met this person years down the line and realised they are not as bad as you remembered and not only have they changed but so have you?  We can change how we feel in an instant if we look for the positives in a situation and stop dwelling on the negatives.

If you get down, feel lonely, or become depressed: If things aren't going so well, its's time to change the programme and start to get things back on track.   And this will start when you start telling yourself the way forward and actually believe there is a way.

                     We Created It We Can Change It


Our situation in our lives were created by us or the influences in our lives.  I may never have liked reggae music and boxing if my father was not a Jamaican boxer?  I certainly wouldn't have been a conservative councillor if I hadn't been approached by the conservative party.  Tiger Woods may not have been a prolific golfer had his dad not introduced him to golf before he could even walk and if you or I were born in another country to another religion our view of the world might be totally different.  We are all products of our programming.     

Some believe that what ever we create in our lives we can change, but changing it has been the hardest part. Despair, despondency, and depression are a part of too many of our lives. But those types of feelings that are self created can be lightened or removed but we ourselves must act as therapists to ourselves.  We must tell ourselves and truly believe that we can change our programming.  Talking to ourselves may sound like a crazy concept but it what we do for every waking hour.  By talking to ourselves we can redirect our self-belief and turn our lives around and will help us see the world as a different place.  Sometimes we may feel there is nowhere to turn and nobody to turn to.  But by looking again and telling ourselves there are so many avenues to take and so many lovely people to help us, our lives can be transformed.  What's more, it's truer than you think.

If we decide that things are dark and gloomy then that's the way they will stay.  I hear people say "I wish I was rich, I wish I was fitter, I wish I could give up smoking etc... All these things are achievable to almost every one of us but wishing for something never gets it ... unless you are Aladin and have a magic lamp.  Wanting things to work out right is the reason they didn't work out right in the first place.  We have to make things happen.  It is up to us to create the lives we want.  When dealing with depression psychiatrists and counselors will often recommend a change of diet, I would recommend a bit of positive self talk to ease your mind and then rather than getting depressed you can start to manage your life better and appreciate your self more.  I have just picked up a book I read a short while ago called 'the One Minute Apology' by Ken Blanchard and read a short passage from a chapter called Self Appreciation where a young man is recieving life skills from the One Minute Manager

A young man asked " How does a person learn to appreciate themselves?"

"From four sources" Replied the One Minute Manager.

• "The first is fate. At birth you don't have a choice of where you are born , who your parents are, or whether you are male or female or the color of your skin, it is fate.
• The second is your early life experiences with adults - Your parents, relatives, teachers and coaches.
• "Third" continued the One Minute Manager are your successes and failures in life
• And the fourth source of your self worth is your perception of the first three

"Which of these four do you think are the most powerful?" asked the One Minute Manager?
"The fourth" the young man replied


The story continues and the young man learns more about life skills and in particular in this book of how a one minute apology can make a huge difference to relationships without you looking foolish.  After I read this book I then tried it out for myself to see if it had any value.  After I had told people close to me how I accepted I had made mistakes and wanted to be judged from what I did from then onward.  But instead of being compassionate the people just agreed with my failings telling me I needed to buck up my ideas because they were working so hard and I was letting them down.   That didn't seem to work, and I was furious inside and wanted to retaliate by saying how much I had been trying and how much more I was doing compared to what they were doing etc, I thought what a crap book I just embarrassed myself with my honesty.  I tried to change what I had created by adopting a new approach and fell flat on my face. Once the dust had settled a week or so later I had another talk with the same people explaining that I was not happy with their reaction to my admission of my mistakes and thought they should have reacted differently.  I explained how much I attributed to the cause and although I could see their help was important and valued I would be happy if my efforts were appreciated too. This time the reaction was much better  The heat of the moment at the first meeting seemed to take over any rationality.  They also apologised for the way they had reacted and since then there has been a huge change in our relationships and we understand each other far more than we ever did before.

This was the first time I had stood up and said "I made mistakes" but although I will try not to put myself in that position again it won't be the last.  We all make mistakes it's is one of the ways we learn

Why we freeze on the big occasion

This blog is a continuation of the previous blog... 'Be all you can.... because you can!


Today's subject is the reasons we sometimes 'choke'  Why when sometimes it seems easier to win do we fall apart doing the basics?  I will tell you the time it happened to me and of course famous stories of people who have choked unexpectedly. 

Greg Norman chokes in 1996

Before deciding to watch the golf yesterday, I thought I would just check with my 'info' button on my remote control to see how the tournament was progressing at the start of the final day's play.  The 'info' told me that Spencer Levin was on the verge of winning, being seven shots ahead of his nearest rival.  So I settled down to watch the formality of Levin winning his first PGA Tour title.  What I witnessed was Spencer Levin going into meltdown and scoring four over par whilst virtually everyone else who was playing on Sunday scored under par.  So what happened to Levin? and how did he manage to lose a tournament that he should have won comfortably?  At the end of the tournament he said "I just didn't have it"  The tournament was won by Kyle Stanley from eight shots back. Amazingly Stanley had held a seven-shot lead early in the final round of last week's Farmers Insurance Open and managed to lose that tournament? Similarly in final round of the 1996 in the US Masters, Greg Norman, nicknamed the 'Great White Shark', gave away a six shot lead to Nick Faldo. Faldo tried to comfort Norman at the end of the tournament by putting his hand on his shoulder saying "I don't know what to say, I feel horrible about what just happened. I am so sorry."  People were saying about Norman that "He didn't want it enough" He was missing shots that should have been formalities, putts he could normally sink with his eyes closed.  


I remember getting to the quarter finals of the British ABA finals and was boxing a lad called Smith.  I knew he was a southpaw (led with the right hand) and was given instructions by my coach Ken Reynolds telling me basic moves to overcome the southpaw stance. "Straight right hands down the middle followed with left hooks and keep your left foot outside his leading right foot."  I had never been past this stage of the championships before and was nervous but reasonably confident. I had trained hard and even was 'adopted'  by my old friend 'Mac' who did all he could to ensure I was fully prepared for my fight.  Mac was an elderly man who was mad on boxing, he used to come and watch me train and he wanted me to be in the best possible physical condition. He ensured I ate, slept and trained properly.  Every night he would come and pick me up from work and take me back to his house in a village away from distractions. Mac fed me liver or steak each night and took me to work in the mornings, to training after and made sure I put in my roadwork, ensuring that I was properly prepared for my fight.   I had never felt better, or been prepared better for any of my previous thirty plus fights.  On the night of the fight I felt confident, right up until when the opening bell sounded.  As soon as the bell had sounded I choked. I was trying to remember the instructions I had been told by Ken but my thought process was being constantly disrupted by my opponents punches landing in my face. I tried to keep my distance from him but found it difficult to throw any punches myself.  Even my trusty left jab was slow and being countered.  I could do nothing with any certainty.  By the time the bell had sounded to end the first round I was a mile behind on points.  Ken was giving me instructions for the next round but nothing was sinking in, nothing was making sense.  I was the fittest I had ever been in my life yet had no energy, no speed and now no confidence.  The bell went to start the next round and the only thing that was sinking in was Smiths punches.  Part the way through the round I was cut above my eye and the referee stepped in and stopped the fight.  It was not much of a cut but I think the referee could see I was never going to win this fight and pulled me out for my own safety.  If a spectator had came to watch me for the first time that night they would have thought I had never boxed before.  I was embarrassed.  So many people had put their faith in me and I had let them and myself down but didn't no the reason.

Seddon Atkinson similar to what my dad taught me to drive in.
What I remember most was NO POWER STEERING!!

The reason for me choking was this...  My sub-conscious mind over powered my conscious mind.  When we sit behind the steering wheel of a car at our very first time we are told the basics of how to drive by our instructor.  My instructor well actually it was my dad at first and it wasn't a car it was a 30 ton Seddon Atkinson lorry in a quarry.  But moving on a couple of years.... after driving my own car 50 miles to Leicester and jumping out of my 1967 Riley Kestrel and into the Ford Escort Mark 2 'L'earner car for the first time I was  amazed to see a brake pedal on the passenger side of the car. I guessed that was his 'just in case' brake. When we first start driving our 'conscious' thoughts go something like this  "enter car, adjust seat, put on seat belt, check the mirror, make sure the car is in neutral, turn ignition to start the car, Depress clutch, engage first gear, check the mirror again, signal that you are about to drive away, lift your foot off the clutch whilst pressing down on the accelerator, feel for the bite, check the mirror again just to be sure and finally maneuver".  All these are conscious thought that we repeat to ourselves until we are more competent drivers and they become unconscious thoughts and we do them without thinking. Then our conscious thoughts can be used to decide where we are going and what we might be doing when we get there etc...

When I first started boxing I was taught how to stand, where to hold my hands, how to deliver punches including variations of straights, hooks uppercuts and how to avoid being punched using blocks parries,slips and lay-backs etc.  As I got more experienced these conscious thoughts became unconscious and I did them as a natural reaction to being in a boxing ring.  Choking happens when an occasion gets to you.  Under pressure we can over think and 'strangle' our unconscious thoughts by relying on our conscious thoughts.  So instead of doing what comes natural, what we had spent years perfecting we start questioning our unconscious thought and making mistakes.  So when I fought Smith I was actually trying too hard when I looked like I wasn't trying at all.   I was thinking of how to box instead of just boxing. When a golf misses fairway after fairway off the tee, it is not because he is not trying.  It is often because he is trying too hard, instead of trusting in his ability he may be continuously thinking about each component of his swing, then missing one component out causing a huge deviation in his shot.

The way I dealt with this was by taking the importance away from the activity.  I reminded myself  "its only boxing" I later competed on the world stage as a full combat kick-boxer but never again suffered from freezing on the big occasion.  I told myself it's only kick-boxing, if I lose my life will be no worse off.  It is much easier to compete when you take away the fear of losing.  I still expected to win because of the work I put in, but losing was no longer a fear. In four years I lost only twice as a full contact kick-boxer, once in the World Championships and a controversial loss on points for the British title.  In almost every other fight  I won by knockout or the referee  stopped the fight.  Eventually I decided I was too old too compete.  This left a huge hole to be filled. Like I mentioned in a previous blog when Jonathon Edwards realised the sport was more important to his life than he realised, I also felt that there was a void in my life.  I was no longer British kickboxing champion.  Being a former champion did not sit as well as being a champion. I loved the fact that I was seen as the best in the country and one of the best kick-boxers in the world but that was all history now.  Just plain old Dave Earle ...... So I started my own fitness classes and eventually got my own gym and boxing club, producing champions of my own.  I feel lucky to have been given a second chance.  I hear some of the boxers at my gym say they could never be a trainer, and they would have to fight, they would feel like they should be in the ring fighting not be training someone to fight.  they ask me if I miss competing. My answer to that question is "I used to feel the same way.  The thing I liked about boxing was being a boxer, competing in a sport that my father competed in and making him proud. I enjoyed the winning, the travelling around the world, the friends I made and the respect I got from friends and strangers. I loved being fit and taking my top off and feeling good about the way I looked.  There are so many good things to take from doing well at your chosen sport and I would recommend it to everyone.  But I have to say I didn't particularly like the training and making weight, the pre-fight nerves, I hated losing and feeling like I had let people down and can honestly say I get as much satisfaction out of giving youngsters the same benefits I got from training and competing.  I love the fact that I can pass my knowledge on with no fear of being punched or letting anyone down.  Boxing has been kind to me, helped give me confidence, kept me fit and allowed me the pleasure running my own business.  Would I do it all again? You better beleve it.

The conclusion is Black and White, and I thought it was genetics

For years I believed that my colour was the reason I was faster than my white friends at school.  That being black meant I had more fast twitch muscle fibers making me more of an explosive runner.  I believed that, because all Ethiopians, Kenyans and Jamaicans seemed to be the best runners and all the most famous world champion boxers were black, that I was naturally going to have an advantage over my white counterparts.  (Even though of course my mother was white) I was convinced that through the knowledge I had picked up over the years from friends and even some books I had read, that the fact I had the blood of my father coursing through my veins,  I was a natural athlete!  All of my family were athletes, my dad was a successful boxer, my sisters all ran for the school and the county and were in the netball and hockey teams.  It must have been because we were black.  I went to a boxing club where their were 5 Christie brothers, Simon, Andy, Errol, Michael and Wesley they were BLACK and they were all national champions at boxing, and they were all the best in the gym at running, even better than me, but they were Blacker... Actually, I could beat Simon he was a lot younger... and a bit chubby.  

So imagine how I felt recently after finding out it is nothing to do with colour or genetics.  Over the course of the last century many tests were carried out to find out why blacks did so well in sporting events.  It had long been considered that it was down to genetics.  Scientists travelled all over the world trying to find out the reasons why, taking swab tests from Kenyan athletes in remote villages because The Kenyans were winning all of the races over 5000 meters and dominated the world cross country events.  I often used to watch marathons and see three Kenyans and an Ethiopian battling it out for the gold silver and bronze medals so naturally assumed it was a 'black thang' (Kenya and Ethiopia are in East Africa)  But for all the tests carried out by the scientists genetics never came up as a reason for the black superiority in sports.  Looking more closely at the Kenyan distance runners it is found that virtually all the top runners came from the very small Nandi region of Kenya. So it wasn't a black phenomenon or even a Kenyan Phenomenon it was a Nandi Phenomenon.    Jamaicans were slaves from East Africa and produce an incredible amount of top sprinters from an island with a population of less than 3 million, That is less than half the population of Greater London.  Before the Kenyans were so dominant it was the Ethiopians who ruled distance running and before them we had a time when Finish and Swedish runners were top distance runners and they were VERY white, so the question is firmly raised against genetics and even colour.  One clever man discovered that we are all genetically the same and the colour of our skin does not affect our God given abilities.  He said we are like computers, inside we are all the same it is only the cases that are different.

Ussain Bolt  Olympic Champ &
Jamaican World 100meters record holder

Lets take the Kenyans from the Nandi Region where most of the elite Kenyan runners are from.  The Nandi region is at altitude.  All top athletes run at altitude for training as it expands left ventricle of the heart allowing us to perform better at ground level than someone without altitude training. This gives the Nandi people a natural advantage when it comes to distance running whether it is against black people or white people.  So that is one advantage, but lets consider where they live, or should I say how where they live might influence their running ability.  Running for East African people is a means of transport, as public transportation is virtually non existent.  The school 'run' for Nandi athletes would be up 20 Kilometers each day at a speed of 15 kilometers per hour which adds up to eighty minutes per day and more than ninety hours per week five hundred hours per year, in excess of 6,000 hours b their 16th birthday  With this information you might start to understand why the Nandi people are so good at running.  So What about the Jamaicans?  They are originally from West Africa Bought to America by the slave traders.  They have no such altitude benefits and their school run doesn't compare with the Nandi people.  Even if it did the distance they excel at is much shorter, only one hundred meters?   The reason why Jamaicans do so well at sprinting is this: They are always running away from the police!! Only kidding (Check my profile picture I can make this joke)  The real reason Jamaicans are so good at sprinting comes down to opportunities... or lack of opportunities.  With no genetic explanation scientist focused on cultural forces underpinning Jamaican sprinting success.  Jamaica has invested in an impressive infrastructure and  training system required to identify and nurture elite track athletes.  The effect this has had on a culture that idolizes local heroes, and the opportunity it gives to help people escape from poverty has helped Jamaica produce a plethora of top sprinters.  

Without a genetic explanation researchers looked for cultural differences that may have been responsible reasons for the disproportionate success.  So if we are all genetically the same how is it that a Small island like Jamaica can produce world beating sprinters.  The explanation from may lie in a experiment carried out by Marianne Bertrand and Sendhil Mullainathan, two leading economists.  They drafted five thousand CV's and placed typical black names such as Tyrone or Latoya on half of them and white names such as Brendon and Alison on the other half.  They then divided the CV's into high and low quality and did the same with the black CV's.

A few weeks later the offers came rolling in from the employers, and guess what? The "black" candidates were 50% less likely to be invited to interview. Bertrand and Mullainathan also found that although high- quality whites were preferred to low-quality whites, the relative quality of black CV's made no difference whatsoever. It was as if the employers saw three categories: high-quality whites, low-quality whites and blacks.   Is it any wonder that black children fail at school, given the success that is often ignored by employers?  Is it any wonder why we, oops sorry, they end up going into sport instead ;0)

Stereotyping

Stereotyping is alive and well

Between 2001 and 2005 Jeff Stone , a psychologist from the University of California and a colleague interviewed 1,500 students to uncover prevailing attitudes to race and sports.  They unsurprisingly found that blacks were assumed to be naturally superior in sports rather than academia and whites were assumed to be naturally superior academically rather than athleticism. But the researchers wanted to check this further: Do these stereotypes really matter? Do they influence the way interact with each other, both in sports and beyond or do they not matter at all.  To find out they took a group of white participants and asked them to listen to a radio broadcast of a basketball game to evaluate the performance of a particular player.  In the first test, the participants were led to believe the player was black.  After listening to the broadcast, the participants rated the player as high in athletic ability and as a superior player.

But in the second test the researchers reversed the experiment, telling the participants the player was white.  What happened?  You guessed it:  they now considered the player to be of low in natural ability, and considered him an inferior player. Just to reiterate: these most contradictory viewpoints came in response from the same broadcast.  Stereotyping can be harmful to both blacks and whites.  Deterring blacks from studying  and choosing sports as an alternative and deterring whites from competing at sports against the assumed superiority of blacks.  

The last paragraph in Matthew Syed's book 'Bounce' reads "It is all to easy to assume that racial patterns of success and failure to be grounded in genetics, but the point of this chapter is to suggest that subtler and more elusive forces are at work.  The tendency to see black and white as genetic types (which, to a large extent, underpins racial stereotyping)has long been contradicted by the findings of population genetics.  If we could only tint our rose tinted spectacles, the world would not only look different, but it would soon become very different too. Great book Mr Syed I have learnt and shared lots.

This concludes the blog 'Be all you can... because you can'  I hope this gives you the reader a reason to believe that nature plays little if any part in an athlete reaching the top at his/her chosen sport or indeed chosen profession.  We are all equally able regardless of colour, of reaching our goals but should understand the harder we work the luckier we become, don't expect talent to get you to the top of the tree.