For many years I have wanted to improve my standard of living. Judging by the £5.7 billion spent on lottery tickets in the UK last year I am not alone. I have read numerous self help books, listened to lots of recordings of successful life coaches and trawled the internet over the years looking for inspiration. It seems every time I read a book I have a eureka moment. At last I think to myself, a book that will change my life for ever. I have read spiritual books such as 'The Art of Happiness" where an American Psychiatrist, Dr Howard C Cutler, has a one-to-one with the Dalia Lama. This was a book that showed how to find balance and complete mental and physical freedom on a day to day basis. It showed simple ways of how to avoid suffering, the importance of compassion and how compassionate people are happier people. It is a beautiful written book that left you with a warm feeling inside and made me a more compassionate person. On the down side it showed how the western world had little compassion and showed us that we are all hungry for success and don't care who we crush to get it. It showed how the people of Tibet were over-run by the Chinese and how the Dalia Lama was forced into exile and fled to India where he still lives todayOther spiritual books I have read include 'The Way of The Peaceful Warrior' by Dan Millman. Way of the Peaceful Warrior's enduring appeal has as much to do with the author's compelling personal story as with his message. Dan Millman's journey began during a period of spiritual crisis when he met a powerful old warrior named Socrates at a gas station at 3 a.m., and found himself tempted by an elusive woman named Joy. Thus began an odyssey that led him to the concept of the "peaceful warrior" - and on toward a final confrontation that would either deliver or destroy him. His discovery that the life and practice of the peaceful warrior is action helped him make sense of his life and find a sense of purpose, which he was able to impart to others. For the peaceful warrior, the messages are simple but resonant: "What you give, you receive. Doing is understanding. And you can do anything when you find the heart and courage for it. 'Ghandi' by Jad Adams (this is a review)...Adding fresh insight to a life so well documented is no mean feat, but Adams's biography of Gandhi eschews hagiography and offers critical insights about the revered political and spiritual leader. Scholars of Indian politics are no strangers to the notion that "Gandhi was a great leader but a poor politician," and Adams (Hideous Absinthe) attends to this naïveté. But the author pulls the veil back much more dramatically on Gandhi's personal life, notably his obsession with chastity and his practice of testing it by sleeping next to teenage girls—in some cases, his young relatives—and receiving daily nude massages from his female devotees. And while Gandhi was an astute campaigner, he was also willful, fixated on his own personal dietary and sexual beliefs, and a bit of a brute to his family. Adams observes that he behaved "not always well toward his friends and supporters, but wonderfully towards people he did not know, and with an outflowing of spontaneous benevolence towards those toiling masses that he would never know in person." The author veers on occasion into overly psychoanalytic dissection of Gandhi's motives, attributing his poor treatment of his offspring to "the carnality of their creation, as if he saw in his own sons nothing but the embodiment of the copulatory urge that had to be tamed." But Adams provides a balanced view of the complex figure whose personal, spiritual and historical legacy are no less great for being flawed. and 'The Secret' by Rhonda Byrne. The secret was a brilliant read, probably my first spiritual read. It talks about the law of attraction and explains how the universe is connected. I found the book mesmerizing and had to read many parts over and over again to understand the message it was sending. Thinking back I realise much of what was written was common sense and have to say I disagreed with some information but what a fantastic read. I also read books by people who I hope will inspire me to be more successful in my business. Books like 'Business stripped Bare' by Richard Branson, 'I Can Make You Rich' By the hypnotist Paul McKenna. and 'Unlimited Power' by the amazing American Anthony Robbins. Reading for me was like a new window opening in my life. Until a couple of years ago I had only read books I had to read at school. It is important to remember that each person reading the same book will gain different opinions of the what the author is trying to say. we will all take in what fits well with our own personality/programming (more on that later)
After reading these books and attending business meetings and seminars I am always full of optimism about my future. I go straight back to work and start making changes and for up to a month I am a new man and my business flourishes. My view of the world is much clearer now I am full of wisdom. I improve my marketing, I start using my diary so I don't miss appointments and have even written a fresh business plan. My gym is much tidier as I spend everyday cleaning and tidying But..... eventually, each time, I have always slipped back int my old ways and come up with all the same old excuses for not being successful.
But there is no reason for me to be unsuccessful in business. I am in control of my own thoughts. We are all what we think we are, and can achieve what we believe we can achieve. With the help from many people around me I decided a long time ago what my strengths and weaknesses are. Maths is not one of my strong points. I have never been great at maths and believe I was extremely lucky to get a GCSE 'C', in fact as an academic I have never been good and was never destined to be a scholar, My only 'O' level was in art. But sport! That's a different matter. I was always going to be good at sport, especially boxing. My dad was a boxer so it was easy for me. But I wasn't great at football. I had two left feet and was too clumsy. In fact, when I think about it, as far as sport goes It could be said I was only good at running and boxing?
Thinking back there were lots of things I was not good at? I was never going to be good at business because I am not very organised. I remember being told about my faults all the way through my childhood by my teachers and friends. As an adult it hasn't been much better. I was told things like "You are just no good at that". "You can't do anything right", "you're just like your father", "You never remember anything", "You will never be a boxer","You are a daydreamer", "You are lazy", you don't care about anyone but yourself", "If you were any more laid back you would be horizontal" When most of us think back to our childhood we will remember our peers being far more negative about us than positive. I suspect a lot worse things have said to children behind closed doors. What many parents see as being protective often becomes negative programming that stays with their children for ever.
Our thoughts control our lives. We are what we think we are. We can also become what people expect us to become. Have you heard the saying "if you say it enough times it becomes real"? Negative thoughts create negative people.
Most self talk is unconscious or unnoticed. Some self talk is constructive and beneficial but much is the opposite. You can easily convince yourself you are what you think if you tell yourself, or if someone else tells you enough times. Here are some examples of negative 'self talk' you may recognize, of things you may have heard other people say or said yourself .
I can't remember names
It's going to be another one of those days
It's just no use
I know it won't work
Nothing ever goes right for me
That's just my luck
I am so clumsy
I don't have the talent
I am just not creative
Everything I eat goes straight to my waist
I can't seem to get organised
Today just isn't my day
I can never afford the things I want
I already know I won't like it
No matter what I do I don't seem to be able to lose weight
I never have enough time
I just don't have the patience for that
That really makes me mad
When will I ever learn
Sometimes I just hate myself
I'm just no good
I am too shy
I never know what to say
With my luck I have no chance
I would like to stop smoking but I can't seem to quit
I don't have the energy I used to
I never have any money left at the end of the month
I've never been any good at that
Nobody likes me
I never get a break
It seems I am always broke
Sometimes I wish I had never been born
I am so depressed
I am just not a salesman
I lose weight and just put it back on again
I just don't seem to be able to get anything done
Nothing seems to go right for me
I'll never get it right
I just cant take it any more
I am just no good at maths
I always freeze in front of a group
I hate m job
I get cold at this time of year
I am just not cut out for that
There is nothing to do in this town
I am nothing without my first cup of coffee in the morning
You can't trust anyone any more
I am bored
If only I was smarter
If only I were taller
If only I had more time
If only I had more money
Why should I try it won't work anyway
If only I did better at school
...and on, and on, and on
I know I have used many of the above examples about myself and worse than that I have used them about other people. One lad who uses the gym tells me he has always been clumsy. He always seems to trip up the stairs when he comes into the gym. He often drops thing and trips over things. When fixing things he has sometimes caused more damage than he has repaired. So is he clumsy? and will I call him clumsy again? The answer to both these questions is no. Is he always in a hurry and does he like to impress people? Yes! If he had been told from an early age that he was graceful and well coordinated would he be clumsy today? I have always been bad at remembering names. I am 47 years old and never can remember being good at remembering names. I will get introduced to someone at a party and forget their name as soon as I am told it even though I wanted to remember their name. All my life I have told myself I cannot remember names , I have programmed myself not to remember names. How can it be possible to forget a name only seconds after it was told to me? So what happens when the I am asked to get that persons attention or I need to introduce them to someone else? I go through the alphabet in my head in hope that their name will jump into my mind. Somewhere in my subconscious mind I have told myself I cannot remember names......
BEHAVIOUR
FEELINGS
The way we behave is governed by our feelings. If we feel good about something those feelings will directly influence our behaviour. Have you ever watched a child who has been made to eat something it didn't like? How did the child act? Did the child spit it out like it was being poisoned? I remember feeding my little sisters when they were infants and remember the food ending up all over their face, in their hair and sometimes the bowl would end up on the floor. But when the pudding came (which I helped them eat) their faces lit up and they would be trying to grab my had to get the food to their mouths more quickly. What is the difference between one type of food and the other? It's not because one type is better than the other. The difference is how the child has come to feel about the food. The way the child felt about the food determined what action he/she took. I know many level headed people who are scared of flying. Many times I will get on a plane and watch peoples reactions when the we are told to fasten our seat-belts. Some say a prayer, others close their eyes or cuddle their partners. My girlfriend will always have a couple of pints of Guinness. This is all down to peoples feelings.
Your feelings about anything you do will affect how you do it. It doesn't have to be feelings of like and dislike, joy or fear all of your feelings affect your actions. How you feel about your job, your partner, your family, money, health, yourself, your success will determine how you behave in each of these areas. If your feelings are positive and productive then your actions/behaviour will follow. But what causes you to have the feelings which are so much a part of you? What creates the way we feel about anything? Did you get them by accident? No way, never. Your feelings are created controlled and determined or influenced by your attitude
ATTITUDES
Your attitudes are how you view life. Some people seem to have good attitudes and some seem to have a bad attitude about everything. But most, when you look closer, have a mixture of good and bad attitudes. What ever attitude we have about anything will affect the way we feel about it, which in turn will determine how we act about it, which in turn will decide how well we will do. So our attitudes play a big part in how successful we will become. How many people do you know who seem to have a bad attitude? Many children, teenagers in particular are told they have a bad attitude, or that their attitude stinks. Teenagers are often told if they carry on with that attitude the will always get in trouble and never achieve anything. A good attitude is essential to achievement of any kind. Having a good attitude is essential but we must have an attitude that works for us. But where do we get our attitudes? Are we born with them? They don't just happen. Our attitudes are no accident. They don't just happen. They are created, controlled and influenced by our beliefs
BELIEFS
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| Armagedon |
What we believe about anything will determine our attitude about it, create our feelings, direct our actions and help us to do well, poorly or succeed. Our beliefs are so powerful they will make things that are real seem unreal, truths seem untrue and wrongs seem right. A belief does not require something to be the way we see it to be, it only requires that we believe that it is. It is possible that tomorrow morning in some classroom in Afghanistan a little boy or little girl will be made to believe that the Western world and full of terrorists wanting kill their families and take over their country. It is possible that at the same time a child in the United States will be made to believe that Muslims are bad people intent on destroying the Western World and killing their families and taking over their country. I remember as a teenager believing what I heard through the media and expected the world to end in 1984. Although |I never totally believed the world would end, I was glad on January 1st 1985. I hear similar stories now from children and teenagers about 2012. For those who still worry about the world ending in 2012. The Jehova's Witness group Watchtower had 46 failed end of world predictions that were to occur between 30 AD and 1920 AD but as we know, the world didn't end. But many 'believed' it would, and how do you think it affected the lives of these people?
As an example of how important belief can be, imagine something about yourself. Something that was working against you but was not true. Let's say you believed you had trouble making friends easily. or being excepted easily or naturally by others. I know I believed this when I was younger. Let's say that you were the child at the back of the class or the child who was a seen as the geek and not popular like the lads who played football who were popular. As a result you found yourself standing back in social gatherings self-conscious and unsure of what to say. Or at work where you never spoke up even when you had a great idea that would help your boss but you let others speak first and get a substandard idea be used. Let' say that you wanted to be witty, fun and involved but the outside you just didn't measure up.
Since whatever you believe about yourself will end up affecting what you do, you can be sure that you are not as socially acceptable as you want to be. Your belief about yourself will turn out to be correct whether it's true or not. All social behaviour is conditioned. Nobody is born socially adapt or inept. If you tell yourself you cannot do something, what can the only outcome be.
We all have thousands of beliefs about ourselves some big some small and many are correct,. But I suspect many more are not. Where do these beliefs come from? do they spring from nowhere? are we born with them like some sort of birth mark that we keep for ever? Do we create them ourselves? Where do we get them? Our Beliefs are directly created by our programming
PROGRAMMING
We are all programmed what we are programmed to believe. Our conditioning from the day we were born, has been created, reinforced and almost been cemented into our minds. That's most of what we believe about ourselves, and what we believe about what goes on around us. Whether the programming was right or wrong, true or false, the truth is what we believe. It all starts with programming! what we have accepted from the outside world or fed to ourselves, has initiated a natural cause, a chain reaction that leads us to either fail or succeed in self management of ourselves and our futures. It is our programming that sets up our beliefs. In a logical progression, what we believe determines our attitudes, affects our feelings, directs our behaviour and determines our success or failure.
- Programming creates beliefs
- Beliefs create attitudes
- Attitudes create feelings
- Feelings determine actions
- Actions create results
That's how the brain works. If you want to manage yourself in a better way, and want to change your results, you can do it at any time you please. Start with the first step. Change your programming!
